


You Can (NOT) End

by MJ1Hawk



Series: You Can (NOT) [3]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-11-29 04:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18217925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJ1Hawk/pseuds/MJ1Hawk
Summary: A continuation to two parts before it ("You can [NOT] Feel" then "You Can [NOT] Relate"). After a two month hiatus, and in celebration of Evangelion on Netflix, WE'RE BACK! Will the previous events change the continuity itself? Will Third Impact happen? Who will survive?





	1. You Can (NOT) Be Real

  
10:21 PM  
  
“This can’t be happening. This _can’t _be happening. This can’t be _happening _.”____  
  
 _Pant. Pant. Pant. Pant. Pant. PANT. PANT. PANT _!__  
  
Shinji scratches the skin of his skull and brings his knees to his chest cramming himself in the corner of Rei’s destroyed room. Commander Ikari ordered the soldiers to break some of her things before leaving. _Bastard _. The glasses Rei kept from Gendo are crushed and bent in the middle of the floor. _Bastard _. A moody blue light from above where her dresser is toppled over shines on the mess. _Beep Beep _. Shinji ignores it. _Beep Beep _. Shinji looks up and squints. Water from his eyes blinds him. He drags himself around the room with his forearms to find the source of the noise. _Beep Beep _. A light flashes from under the bed. Shinji reaches under blindly jabbing his arm on broken wood. He pulls his arm out seeing that it’s his phone.__________  
  
 _Shinji. I have no idea why, but I felt like something is wrong. Are you and Rei ok _?__  
  
“MISATO-SAN!” he yells with relief. Shinji’s eyes tear up as he grabs the bed to pull himself up. He dials her number and collapses onto the messy bed.  
  
“Shin--”  
  
“MISATO-SAN!” Shinji cries, tears finally fall from his eyes and leak down to his chest, “THEY TOOK REI! _THEY TOOK REI! _” Shinji’s body shakes violently and he sobs into the sheets holding the phone roughly against his ear. Misato breathes heavily on the other end.__  
  
“Shinji,” she says calmly, “Where are you? Can you meet me at Nerv?”  
  
“Y-Yes,” he gets out between cries. Spit trickles over his lips.  
  
“Go there immediately. _Run _!” Misato hangs up. Shinji rubs his face with his shirt and bursts out of the complex nearly tripping down all the stairs. He runs faster than he ever imagined he could.__  
  
10:36 PM  
  
 _Zoooom. SCRRRRRRR. Drrr. SLAM _. Misato flies out of her car and catches up to Shinji who’s right ahead of her.__  
  
“Shinji!” He spins around, completely not registering it was her car, and she pulls him against her in a deathly hug. His head is just below her chin and his nose is smashed against her clavicle. “I’m so _glad _you’re ok,” she says with complete exasperation. She pulls apart from him and grabs his hand. “We need to go to my office. Quietly.”__  
  
 _SWIPE. SWIPE _. They get through the front gates and sneak their way through the maze until they get to Misato’s small dark office. Shinji tries to flip the light.__  
  
“DON’T!” Misato whispers. She tiptoes over to her desk and turns on the dim lamp. She sits down in her chair and Shinji nervously leans on her dark brown desk. “Tell me what happened.” Shinji wrings his hands together.  
  
“Father came in with soldiers. T-they tore her room apart. And then he told them to leave and…” Shinji tightens his fists and shuts his eyes tightly, “And he hit her n’ dragged her out!” Misato winces and pulls on her jacket sleeve. “It was cuz she ignored his text. I told her to. It’s my freakin’ _FAULT _! I let her go! I DID NO--”__  
  
“Shinji. Lower your voice,” Shinji swallows his spit and covers his face with one hand. “It isn’t your fault. There was nothing you could do.” Misato picks at the seam of her skirt. “Do you know where she could be?” Shinji shakes his head with a whimper. _I might know someone who does _. Misato pulls her phone from her pocket and sits back in her chair. Shinji watches with one eye through his fingers. _Brrrr. Brrrr. Brrrrr _.____  
  
“Why hello Misato. It’s unusual for you to call so late,” comes a sultry voice.  
  
“Ritsuko. Can you come to my office for a moment? I need help with some UN papers.”  
  
“I thought you had already left?”  
  
“I did,” Misato doesn’t lose her edge,”I forgot they were due tomorrow, hah.”  
  
“Tch. I’d expect _nothing _less,” Ritsuko chides. “Give me three minutes, I’ll be right there.” Misato agrees and hangs up rubbing her temples. Shinji looks at her with confusion. “I think she knows more than she lets on.” _That’s true. Rei said Dr. Akagi is the one who gives her the pills! Could she be in on the clone stuff _?!____  
  
“Do you think she--”  
  
“--I bet she knows where Rei is,” Misato says with a confident smile. “Misato stands up. “Sit here,” Misato pulls him over and he sits down hard. Misato opens a drawer on the right side of her desk and pulls out a slick .45 pistol. Shinji just about panicked but Misato put her finger to her lips. Shinji apprehensively sits still. The sound of heels clack down the hall. Misato quickly makes her way to the corner of the room against the wall next to the door. _Clack clack clack SHWWOP _.__  
  
“Misato wha--” Ritsuko looks at Shinji puzzled. _SWHOOP. CLICK _. Misato presses the gun against Ritsuko’s back.__  
  
“I hate to do this to such a friend, but I’m gonna need some answers. _NOW _.”__  
  
Six floors down the elevator later.  
  
Misato keeps her gun firmly against the spotless lab coat that hangs off Ritsuko’s curved back. Ritsuko stands with her hands in her pocket and an empty smile creeps onto her face. Shinji has his body shoved into the corner of the elevator biting his nails. The doors open.  
  
“May I walk Major?” she asks with total sarcasm. Misato rolls her eyes and pushes her out with the tip of her gun. Misato and Shinji look around. It’s an empty grey metal room filled with only a rusty bed that has a broken leg, a small clothing rack, and multiple canisters of some sort.  
  
“What the hell is this?”  
  
“ _This _,” Ritsuko waves her hand about, “Is where Rei was born.” Misato and Shinji feel a jab in their hearts. Shinji tries to sputter words but nothing comes out. Shinji shuffles across the room to the bed in the center. He gets on his knees and grabs onto the sheets balling his fists in them. He puts his nose to the sheets. _Is that _? Shinji rips the sheets off the bed. _BLOOD _. Misato and Shinji both go wide eyed.______  
  
“Ritsuko! What the _FUCK _is going on?!” Ritsuko bitterly laughs and turns to face Misato. “Hey hey hey--”__  
  
“--Commander Ikari and my Mother _made _her… and ultimately killed her.” Shinji’s spine twists and cracks in Ritsuko’s direction.__  
  
“Killed?”  
  
“My Mother was weak. She fell victim to a man and... “ Ritsuko’s face falls, “Jealousy consumed her.”  
  
Seven Years Ago  
  
Naoko Akagi was just finishing up some of the final touches on the Magi system until she heard a specific tapping of small feet approaching her. Naoko crawled out of the claustrophobic crawl space of wires and motherboards on the Central Dogma. She spots an innocent faced young Rei standing a few feet away and smiles before covering up the hatch. _SNICK _.  
  
“How are you dear?”  
  
“Fine. Ikari-san said you were going to see him later so he could not play with me.”  
  
“Mmm, why’d you come to _me _then?”  
  
“I wanted to play now.” Naoko rolls her eyes and leans down to Rei’s eye level.  
  
“Like Ikari said, he and I will be busy tonight,” she says with a dirty smirk. Rei frowns.  
  
“Old hag,” Rei mumbes. Naoko stands upright and stares down at her.  
  
“Excuse me? Is that any way to talk to an elder?” Naoko puts her hands on her hips.  
  
“That is what Ikari-san calls you,” Naoko flinches, “Just earlier he said, ‘I have to see that old hag tonight. All she is good for is--’”  
  
Naoko grabs Rei by the throat with both hands squeezing as tight as possible. Rei doesn’t fight back. Naoko imagines the face of Yui Ikari and squeezes harder. _That BITCH should never have been with you Gendo! WHY DID YOU RECREATE HER?! You said that once she was gone, WE COULD BE TOGETHER _! Rei’s eyes slowly pop from her head and her body begins to be limp. _I’LL KILL HER. I’LL KILL YUI _! Naoko shoves her fingertips into Rei’s muscles cutting her. Rei’s eyes stay open, but it’s clear that she’s dead.  
  
“oh my god…” Naoko whispers with shock. She releases her hold on Rei and her lifeless body thumps on the floor. Rei’s head stares up at her sideways. Naoko falls onto her backside and she scoots away. The image of her own daughter appears on the body. _RITSUKO. OH MY GOD _. Naoko slaps her hands to her face and screams.  
  
“WHAT DID I DO?!”  
  
Present Time  
  
“The next morning, they cleaned up the mess of what was left of my Mother once she jumped from the control bridge,” Ritsuko says quietly looking off in the distance. Misato gags covering her mouth with her sleeve; Shinji covers his ears rocking himself on the floor next to that Rei’s bed. “Do you want to see Rei?” Misato closes her eyes and shakes her head yes. “...Follow me.” Ritsuko walks into the elevator. Misato follows but pauses momentarily.  
  
“Shinji, let’s go,” Misato softly speaks. Shinji slowly rises and slugs his way into the elevator wrapping his arms around himself. The elevator goes lower by fifteen floors. _This feels so wrong. I’m… horrified at what I’m going to see _, Misato worries to herself. Ritsuko blankly stares at the crease in the doors. The elevator slows down with a _dttttttttttttrrrr. Ding. Ding. Shffffff _. The doors open. Ritsuko walks out first. Misato follows and nearly trips over herself the second she enters. Shinji sluggishly walks in with his eyes fixated on his shoes. “Sh-Shinji…” Misato says in horror. Shinji is broken from his mental hideaway and looks up. His pupils dilate.  
  
“AAAARGHHHHHHHHHHH!” Shinji falls onto his back and crawls backward. He frantically tries to get into the elevator but it closes on his right hand. The elevator starts to go up without them and Shinji’s hand is caught. “ARGHHHH!!!” Shinji stands up frantically pulling on his hand before it gets caught in between the next floor and this one. Misato sprints over to him and pulls his arm. _CRACK _. “ARGH! _AHHHH _!” Shinji holds his fingers with his other hand and drops to his knees smacking his head against the cold elevator door. Misato runs her hands through her hair on reflex and lightly pulls. This is a fucking mess! Ritsuko watches from the corner of her eye, slack jawed, standing in the center of the room. She pops her fingers one by one inside her lab coat pockets.  
  
“Rei is watching you,” Ritsuko mocks cocking her head to her left. Misato and Shinji slowly turn around with tears swelling in their eyes. The room is a huge circle with walls made of glass. The walls are really glorified tanks. At least forty copies of Rei’s naked body float around in blood orange LCL with their eyes wide open. All of the bodies twitch in the water and squirm around one another. The floor is a glossy black that shares the reflection of the tanks making it truly feel like Rei is everywhere. Shinji looks at his feet to see a pair of Rei’s reflected eyes staring up at him. He screams and jumps against Misato’s back pressing his face into her shoulder blades. _This isn’t real this isn’t real this isn’t real _. Misato stares ahead in disbelief. In the center of the room, pipes of LCL lead from the floor into a large cylindrical tube. A body floats in it. Her eyes are open too, but her face is contorted into a look of the realest depiction of pain and worry Misato has ever seen.  
  
“Th-that’s _Rei _isn’t it?” Ritsuko shakes her head yes. Misato’s eyes widen and she feels a tremor wrack through her body. She grabs Shinji’s shirt from behind her and pulls him in front of her. Shinji almost falls to the floor, completely delusional at this point. Misato holds him up by his collar. Ritsuko looks at him pitifully and leisurely gets out of his line of sight. All he can do is look at Rei inside the tank with his jaw wide open. She looks back at him. _Rei… it’s still you _? Shinji’s broken fingers swell to purple. He hesitantly stands up with his legs shaking under him. He looks at Misato through his teary eyes. _She looks just as scared as me _. Shinji starts to walk agonizingly slow toward the center tank. His eyes fixate on her, and her eyes follow him as he moves. His shoes scuff the floor with each step. _Df. Df. Df. Df…..Df _. He looks up at her. _Rei _…. Shinji places his good hand against the glass. Rei looks at his hand then at him.  
  
“She can’t move when she’s in there,” Ritsuko comments. Misato glares at the back of her head. Shinji pays no attention and keeps his hand there. _Rei. Prove it’s you. Please _. Rei looks at his hand again. _Come on Rei _. A wrinkle of worry forms on his brow. Rei’s eyes flicker. _Rei PLEASE. Please be you in there _. “I told you… there’s nothing she can do in there. Once she’s in she can’t come out for hours.”  
  
“Stop talking,” Misato barks. Ritsuko looks at her with annoyance. Misato shoots it right back at her. _You can do this Rei _, Misato prays.  
  
“Rei?” Shinji murmurs. He presses his other hand to the glass. The coldness makes the broken fingers ache. Moments pass and nothing happens. Shinji presses his forehead to the glass and shuts his eyes. _I love you Rei. I’m sorry _.  
  
“My God,” Ritsuko mumbles, completely floored. Misato smiles with relief. Shinji opens his eyes to find both of Rei’s hands pressed against his on the glass. A warm smile awaits him. Shinji feels tears roll down his face and he full-heartedly laughs. _Rei. It is you. DOOSH _. The sound of a drain kicks in to a deafening level. The cylindrical tube begins to empty itself making Rei slowly sink to the bottom. Shinji releases the glass and steps back impatiently whispering _come on come on come on _. The second all the water drains out, the tube slides open and Rei stumbles out. Shinji catches her in his arms and they fall to the floor on their knees. Rei can’t speak a word nor lift a muscle.  
  
“REI!” Shinji kisses her head about twenty times and squeezes her with all of his strength. He pets her soaked hair with his palm. Misato holds her ground even when everything in her tells her to fall to the floor and hug them both. _Something about Ritsuko is really bothering me right now _.____________________  
  
"You were in on this the whole time weren’t you?” Misato aims her gun at Ritsuko once again. Ritsuko shakes her head with shame.  
  
“My Mother and I weren’t so different I suppose,” Ritsuko says with a weak smirk. Misato feels her stomach burn with disappointment. “I have to end it somehow… just not yet.” Misato raises a brow. “I wish I could do better for you Rei…” Ritsuko utters. She pulls her right hand from her pocket. Misato gasps.  
  
“WATCH OUT!”  
  
 **BANG. BANG. BANG. **  
****__________________________


	2. You Can (NOT) Reach Me

  
11:59 PM  
  
 _BANG. BANG. BANG _.  
  
Shinji flips Rei onto her back and covers her. Misato lowers her gun. _Crrreerrrrreerrrak. SHHHHHKKKKKKK _. Misato sprints forward and puts her body over Shinji and Rei.  
  
“Finally,” Ritsuko hums. All at once, the tanks explode and shatter all over the floor. The LCL pours out in bursts knocking Misato and the pilots side to side. The bodies begin to tumble out tangling together. Their heads hit the floor with a repulsive _THUD THUD THUD SPLAT _. Shinji covers his eyes with Rei’s shoulder. Misato takes the shards of glass into her jacket, only some cut her on the leg. Ritsuko stands with her knees bent, weakly holding herself up against the flow of LCL. One Rei head lands right on her foot and she stares at it with disgust. The clones start to gasps for air. Misato covers her mouth with her hand. _I’m gonna throw up _. The real Rei shifts upward making Shinji back up. Shinji can’t look at the other copies. Rei looks at each clone as it’s breath starts to run out. Rei untangles herself from Shinji and crouches next to the nearest clone that’s flipped on it’s stomach. Rei grabs it’s shoulder and flips it toward her onto it’s back. It stares at her with it’s mouth open and it’s diaphragm shaking. It reaches up and grips her forearm. The death rattle starts. _Cr-raaaa _. Shinji jumps up attempting to run in the opposite direction tripping and landing on a Rei clone who makes a _crcrcrcrcrcrct _from deep in it’s throat. _HYUH-gah _. Shinji throws up next to it’s foot. Misato holds her head. Rei continues to stare as it makes it’s final breath. The eyes do not close. The hand holding her falls limply.  
  
“They were all alive like I am Doctor.” Ritsuko shivers and shoves her gun in her pocket.  
“You killed them…” Rei says with a breath. Ritsuko says nothing. Misato stands and lifts Rei up. Misato takes off her jacket and puts it over Rei’s body covering most of her waist. Misato holds Rei close to her with one arm and leads her toward the door. She looks at Ritsuko who’s holding her face in her hands. _You’ve never looked more pathetic _. Misato picks Shinji up by his sleeve and drags him to the elevator. _Dink _.  
  
“It was… the _only _way to get him to keep you alive longer. You’re irreplaceable now…” Ritsuko says in agony. None of them look back. But they never forget what she said. _Ding _. Misato pulls them inside and the doors close, leaving Ritsuko to stay there and relive all of the actions she has taken up to this point. Ritsuko falls to her knees and lets out a hard cry. _I’m no better than you Mother _.  
  
The elevator goes up and Rei and Shinji slowly slide down Misato’s sides. Rei breaks first letting out a nearly quiet sob against Misato’s bare legs. Shinji goes next holding his broken fingers to his chest. Misato stands tall in the middle, yet tears roll down her cheeks just as hard. Her shoulders shudder roughly. She runs her fingers over both of their heads gently and chokes back more tears. _We can do this. We’re gonna figure this out _.  
  
9 AM the Next Day  
  
The car ride back had been silent. Everyone kept to themselves and physically went into auto-pilot. They each walked through the front door of the house and kicked their shoes off. Asuka flipped the light on but said nothing. They didn’t pay much mind to her. Misato went to her room and fell onto her stomach on the bed. Asuka looked at Shinji’s broken hand then looked at Rei who walked in last. _What the hell happened _? Asuka noticed that Rei was naked under Misato’s jacket. She flicked off the light and walked back to her room without a word being said.  
  
 _Rustle rustle rustle _. Shinji’s eyes slightly open into slits and the sunlight blinds him. He puts his arm to his head. _ARGGGH _. Shinji’s fingers are swollen three sizes bigger. He looks over at Rei to see her tossing and turning under the thin sheets. Shinji worriedly shakes her. _She’s sweating _.  
  
“Rei, wake up,” he says shaking her harder. Rei’s shakes harder and fists her hand up into a ball in his shirt. “ _Rei _! Wake up!” Rei sits up fast and her eyes burst open. _PANT PANT PANT _….“Rei what were you dreaming?” he asks once she calms down a bit. Rei closes her mouth and breathes through her nose. Shinji takes her hand in his good one.  
  
“I’m starting to remember when I died.”  
  
….  
  
“I remember feeling nothing about it. I found solace in being replaceable. I knew it was like falling asleep. I would wake up the next day.” The sheets fall from Rei’s shoulder revealing her breasts. Rei pulls the sheets back up and looks at Shinji. She looks ashamed. Shinji tries to lower the blankets again, but Rei holds them against her. “I saw how you reacted to them.” Shinji sighs thinking back to the crippling fear seeing those bodies gave him.  
  
“It’s cuz they weren’t you. I was scared because… well, _any one _would be. But, I’m not scared of _you _.” Rei squints into the light. She says nothing back. She takes his hand in hers and inspects each broken finger. Shinji grits his teeth. “It… really hurts still.” Rei softly kisses his palm and watches his eyes. _He does not seem to look at me any different _. She kisses up his wrist and up his arm. He mewls once she gets to his neck. She kisses up his jaw and gets to the corner of his mouth. She opens her eyes again and looks directly into his. Something inside Shinji panics. The image of the dead Rei flashes in his eyes. He flinches and loses his balance on the bed. He grabs for the sheet pulling it off her as he topples onto the floor. _Thud _. Shinji groans and sits up. Rei looks at him from the bed. The light shines brightly behind her masking her in a deep shadow. Even then, he can imagine the look of disgust with herself on her face. _I didn’t mean _\-- Rei swings her legs off the bed and grabs the sheets pulling them from under him harshly. She wraps it around herself. “Rei I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t know why I just _freaked _out.” Rei slides his door open and walks out. Shinji quickly follows and steps on a corner of the blanket stopping her. He takes that chance to pull Rei by the arm toward him. “Rei I’m serious I--”  
  
 _SLAP _.  
  
Shinji puts his hand to his face and looks at her in awe. _She just hit me. Why did she _…  
  
“You never once have stood up for me Shinji,” Rei scolds. “All I wanted was for you to say you still loved me.” Asuka stirs and listens from her bed. “But you can not, can you?” Shinji’s lip trembles and he drops his head. Rei’s jaw tightens. “When Commander Ikari put me in that tank, all I did was think about you. I worried I would never see you again. But worse, when I saw you come in, I thought you arrived to help me. But you did not.” Shinji jerks his head up. _I DID COME TO HELP YOU _! “The look on your face when you saw them…” Rei bites her lip and pulls the sheets on tighter. “I can forgive that,” Shinji’s shoulders relax, “But I will never forget about how you looked at me this morning.” Shinji drops his head again and leans against the wall. Rei turns around and walks to Asuka’s door. _Knock. …. Shwoop _. “May I borrow clothes Asuka-san?” Rei steps in. _Shwoop _. Shinji stays against the wall. _I didn’t know what to do. I got help. Misato-san helped. Doctor Akagi… showed us. I didn’t know what to do. Shwoop _. Shinji doesn’t look up. He sees Rei’s small feet walk right past him without pause. And a few seconds later, Asuka stops by and stops. He doesn’t look up.  
  
“You really fucked this one up,” she spits. She walks past and then kicks him square in the back. He falls forward landing on his broken fingers bending them back. He screams into his forearm. _Stomp stomp stomp stomp _. Both Asuka and Rei leave together. Shinji lays on the floor on his stomach. _She’s right… I did fuck up _. Shinji screws his eyes closed leaving wrinkled skin scrunched up. _I’m sorry Rei… I didn’t know what to do… I hate myself for it _.  
  
10:31 AM  
  
Misato brought Shinji into Nerv’s medical center. She expected Ritsuko to be there, but she hadn’t come in that morning. Misato sat with Shinji as the nurse scanned his hands to see if any bones were fractured.  
  
“It seems like you’re gonna need a cast, but no bones have been shattered or fractured. However, you won’t be able to pilot an Eva for at least a month.” Misato scratches her head. _This is not gonna go over well with the higher ups _.  
  
Ten Minutes Later  
  
“Are you _kidding _?!” Fuyutsuki yells down at Misato. Misato shrugs and repeats herself.  
  
“He fell down the stairs, what else can I say Sir?” He looks down at her in disapproval.  
  
“Major, YOU are in charge of taking care of him. If ANYTHING like this happens again, you will be considered a threat to the furthering of the Evangelions. Do you understand what that means?”  
  
“Yes Sir.” Fuyutsuki spins around and walks toward Gendo’s office. Shinji and Maya peak from around the corner. Misato shrugs and beckons them over. “It’s alright, no one’s in too much trouble yet.” She rubs Shinji’s shoulder.  
  
“Dr. Akagi didn’t even call in today,” Maya wrings her hands together, “I wonder if she’s alright.”  
  
“Have you called?”  
  
“Mhm, no answer.” Misato nods.  
  
“I’ll go see her later tonight,” Misato finishes.  
  
“Thank you Major!” Maya throws her head back in relief. “I better get back to work, I will see you later. Bye Shinji-kun!” Shinji doesn’t wave back. _He’s looked depressed since this morning. I was knocked out… but now that I think about it, I didn’t see Asuka or Rei _.  
  
“Were Rei and Asuka together?” Shinji nods yes. “Do you know where they are?” Shinji shakes his head no. “Speak Shinji. This isn’t the time to--”  
  
“--I messed up.” Misato lifts his chin toward her but he looks up to his Father’s Command Center. “I didn’t stand up for Rei. I didn’t… know what to do.”  
  
….  
  
“I didn’t know what to do either,” Misato reveals.  
  
“But… you’re an _adult _.”  
  
“Adults don’t always know what to do,” she says with a bitter laugh. “I’ve made tons of stupid mistakes and later I regretted them. And I’ve done it over and over again, thousands of times. A cycle of hollow joy and vicious self-hatred. But even so, every time I learned something about myself. The difference between a child and an adult, is acceptance and action....” Shinji balls his hand into a fist. “Face it Shinji, you’re forced to be an adult before other kids are. You have to grow up.”  
  
“That’s not fair! I don’t want to pilot an Eva! I didn’t ASK for this!” Misato grabs him by the shirt and pulls him closer to her face.  
  
“So what if it isn’t fair,” Misato growls. “Do you think Rei asked to be what she is? Do you think Asuka asked to turn into what she is? Do _you _?!” Shinji shakes his head no. Misato releases him with a flick of her wrist. “If Rei hates you,” Shinji winces, “She has every right to. You haven’t once shown her that you truly care. You just say it.” That hits Shinji like a ton of bricks. _She’s right. I’ve rarely stood up for her. She always has to defend ME in battle. When Asuka yells at her, I just watch. When my Father hit her, I cried for myself. I’m such a coward _.  
  
When he says nothing, Misato walks out, disappointed. Shinji stands in the same spot Rei had been choked by Naoko Akagi. Shinji looks at his casted hand similar to the first day he saw Rei at school. He had seen her sitting in the back of the class with bandages on her head and her arm in a sling. She didn’t look at him at all that day. She looked outside into the sun. he wondered if she was thinking about someplace else. Somewhere better than this.  
  
In Gendo’s Office  
  
“Ritsuko Akagi destroyed the facility,” Fuyutsuki repeats looking out the window behind Gendo who sits with his hands crossed in front of his face. “What would you like to do about her?”  
  
“Nothing. She will still be useful later.”  
  
“Alright Sir,” he says with a disapproving sigh. “Shinji now has a broken hand. He will not be able to pilot Unit-01 for some time.” Gendo makes a _Hhhm _. “We will need another child to take his place. I say we call on the Fourth.”  
  
“No, he won’t be of much use.”  
  
“But then who?”  
  
“The Fifth child will do.” Fuyutsuki spins around and leans over the chair.  
  
“Sir? Seele will not approve. This is too soon. We’re already under scrutiny!”  
  
“I don’t care. Our cause is what matters to me, not theirs.” Fuyutsuki straights up. “Yui would agree.” Fuyutsuki’s lips tighten. _He uses her name in vain _.  
  
“As you wish Sir.”  
  
11:42 AM  
  
Asuka and Rei had been walking through Tokyo-3 for a few hours without saying much  
to each other. There were so many questions, Asuka didn’t know where to start. Asuka even had questions for herself. _Why am I doing this with her? When have I ever cared about her before _? Rei had them walk to the overlook of Tokyo-3. It was a giant hill right off of a windy road that had a thin railing separating you from the edge of the cliff. You could see the sun high in the sky peeking out between buildings.  
  
“Wow,” Asuka says leaning over the rail.  
  
“First time here?” Rei says sitting at the short backless silver bench. Asuka looks over her shoulder.  
  
“Yeah,” Asuka responds.  
  
“Mmm.”  
  
….  
  
“It almost reminds me of Germany.”  
  
“Do you miss it there?”  
  
“Not really.”  
  
“Mmm,” Rei hums. Asuka sits on the opposite side of the bench from Rei. She looks over at her. _She looks good in my clothes _. Rei was wearing a white spaghetti strap tank top that had a cut out on the chest as well as a mid length pair of black shorts. _Looks kind of baggy on her though. Jeez I’m only a small _. Rei even had Asuka’s shoes on, a black pair of slip ons with no socks. _Damn, she probably has a cut on her heel now _. One question keeps flowing through her mind.  
  
“Why are you with Shinji-kun? He _is _really pathetic you know?” Rei shows nothing on her face, she simply answers,  
  
“Because I love him.” Asuka scoffs.  
  
“We’re fourteen, what do you _mean _love?”  
  
“I can not explain it. Yet it makes me feel as though I am finally whole.”  
  
“But,” Asuka throws her hands up, “Even _you _said he hardly shows it!”  
  
“He does not truly need to. In the end, I know he loves me,” Rei puts her hand to her chest. “That does not mean it doesn’t hurt when he does some things.” Asuka grips the edge of the bench with both hands. _I guess Wonder Girl really does have feelings _. Asuka sighs. _Shinji-kun, you’re such an idiot _.  
  
1:31 PM  
  
Shinji had been laying on the couch for an hour in complete silence. On the train, a group of boys decided to pick on him.  
  
“HEY!” they yelled. The train was mostly empty except for two older women and another fifteen year old. Shini tried to ignore them by raising the volume of his music. They laughed and got in his face. They started poking him. “Hey man--Don’t you wanna talk to us?” Shinji wouldn’t respond. “Come on, SAY SOMETHING!” The tallest boy grabbed Shinji’s music player and tossed it to another boy.  
  
“Come on, leave me alone. Give it back.” The boys laughed more and tossed it back and forth. Shinji had tried to grab it but they were too tall. One of the boys dropped it and the tape inside ripped. “Dammit!” Shinji got to his knees in the middle of the group and popped the tape out. He quickly tried to repair it, but there was no use. The taller of the boys looked down at him and shook his head.  
  
“Fuckin’ loser,” he said and then spit on Shinji’s arm before they all got off at the next stop. Shinji held the tape. _Mom left this for me _.  
  
Even now on the couch, Shinji held the broken tape in his hand and stared at it. _Shwoop. Stomp stomp stomp STOMP _. Asuka looked down at him. To him, she was upside down. She looked annoyed beyond belief.  
  
“Are you just gonna lay here? You girlfriend needs you.” Shinji says nothing. Asuka gets closer. “DID YOU HEAR ME BAKA?!” Shinji covers his ears. Asuka throws the pillow out from under his head across the room. “DO SOMETHING!” Asuka yells.  
  
“I will.”  
  
“Do it _now _,” she hisses. Shinji pulls his phone from his pocket. He clicks on her number but doesn’t press call. Asuka huffs and snatches the phone from his hand. “W-wait!” Asuka presses call and throws the phone at his side.  
“Baka,” she says as she marches off. Shinji skittishly presses the phone to his face still laying down. _BRiiiiing. BRiiiiiing. BRiiiiiiiing. She doesn’t wanna talk to me _, he thinks dejectedly. _BRiiiiiing. Click _. Shinji sits up. Anxiety sits in his stomach.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
….  
  
“Shinji?”  
  
“R-Rei.”  
  
….  
  
“I’m scared of everything,” Shinji puts his hand to his face, “I’m scared of Father. I’m scared of Asuka-kun. I’m scared of Eva. I’m scared of _everything _! But… I’m NOT scared of _you _.”  
  
….  
  
“It seemed like you were.”  
  
“I know,” he says.  
  
“It… hurt Shinji.”  
  
“I-I know. I know. I don’t know why I did it. But…” Shinji stops and thinks back to what Misato said, _‘You haven’t once shown her that you truly care. You just say it. _’ “Rei I wanna come see you.”  
  
“I am at my apartment. I must clean up.” Shinji hears the sound of water in the background.  
  
“Wait for me, I’ll help.”  
  
“I suppose,” she says, “You have a broken hand, you should not.”  
  
“I don’t care,” Shinji says getting up, “I’ll be right there don’t do anything else.”  
  
A few blocks down the road, Shinji passes a slimy alley way that smells of rotting fish. Shinji gags, _ugh that’s disgusting _. He was just about to walk past it until he hears a crying noise. Shinji walks backward and listens again.  
  
“Mrrrow, _mrow _” A cat? Shinji looks around, no one is in sight. He walks down the alley pinching his nose. The noise gets louder. It seems to come from in the dumpster. Shinji uses one arm to hold himself up and stretches on his toes. His good arm pulls bags of trash out. “MROWWWWWW!”  
  
“HIYAH!” Shinji trips backward landing on a fish caracas. A small white cat springs from the bottom and lands on his chest. Red eyes. _Like Rei’s _. The cat stares at him.  
  
….  
  
“Are you good now?” The cat licks his nose making him laugh despite himself. The cat hops off as if allowing him to get up. He does so nearly tripping again. “Well, bye cat,” he says waving. He begins to walk again until he feels a brush on his leg. “You again?” the cat looks up and purrs as it rubs against him. “I dunno where you’re from though, go find your way home.” The cat continues to rub. Shinji shakes his head and starts walking again. The cat stops. He tries walking faster. _Hopefully it gives up _. He gets two blocks from Rei’s apartment and decides to pick up some food for them. He walks into a shop and comes out within five minutes. _Even got her favorite tea _. He starts walking up her stairs until he hears a strange noise.  
  
“mmmmmRAAAAAAAWWW!” Shinji ducks and the same white cat flies over his head.  
  
“What the hell?!” He hears Rei open her door. Shinji quickly walks up the stairs and sees the flash of white fur run inside her room. Rei stares in it’s direction but says nothing. “D-Did you order cat?” he tries to joke.  
  
“I did not.” Shinji shakes his head with a smile. He walks in and Rei closes the door. The cat is jumping over the mess until it decides to take it’s place on her newly made bed. “Well… I guess we have a cat now.”  
  
“We?” Shinji faces her. She notices the meal he brought. It’s all of her favorite things. She smiles a bit.  
  
“It’s always ‘we’,” he says softly.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided this story will be published one chapter a week every Sunday. Eight chapters left!


	3. You Can (NOT) Ignore It

  
4:00 PM  
  
Shinji and Rei had been cleaning and talking for the past few hours. _Actions say more than words. Actions say more than words _. Shinji had to keep repeating the sentiment in his head. _I don’t wanna do that to Rei again. She doesn’t deserve it _.  
  
“Asuka walked with you today?”  
  
“Mmm,” Rei hummed folding her clothes, “It was not unpleasant.” Shinji had to laugh, _but it wasn’t great huh _? “It was nice to have company with another girl.”  
  
“Yeah that makes sense…” _That’s true, when I think about it, most girls don’t really talk to Rei. I remember when I saw her in the swimming unit at school, she was the only one sitting alone _. “How come um, more girls don’t talk to you?” Rei tries shutting the drawer but it groans loudly and seems to get stuck half way. She sighs and leaves it open.  
  
“Probably because I do not speak often.” _Yeahhhh, girls do talk a lot. I don’t get it _. “However, I prefer that they do not. I am not interested in boys like they seem to be.” Shinji waves his hand.  
  
“You like me though… right?” Rei shrugs.  
  
“Sometimes,” she says in a serious tone.  
  
…..  
  
“It was supposed to be funny,” she says. Shinji falls back on the bed waking the cat up that’s sitting on her pillow. He puts his hand over his mouth and laughs.  
  
“Mannn, what is this?! Sarcasm and everything!” Rei smiles and sits on the bed with her legs crossed. “I never thought the day would come!” Shinji’s still laying back, and the cat is offended that his hair is touching a corner of the pillow.  
  
….  
  
SMACK  
  
“Ow!” Shinji sits up covering his eye with one hand. Rei looks the other way covering her face. “What the heck cat? Why did you just bitch slap me?!” Rei’s shoulders shake from the laughter caught in her throat. Shinji looks at Rei pitifully. “Meh,” he whines.  
  
“Pff-- _hahaaha _” Rei coughs out. Shinji’s hand falls in his lap with a clap and he and the cat stare at her with their heads cocked to the side making her laugh more. She covers her mouth with the back of her hand before nearly fainting from laughter.  
  
“What is happening? You’re like… _laughing _?” Shinji watches in shock. Rei pulls herself together and sits upright again with her legs crossed. Rei says nothing with a slight pink to her cheeks. _I feel slightly embarrassed. I have only ever laughed a handful of times _. Shinji gets a devilish grin on his face. He inches closer.  
  
 _Rustle Rustle _.  
  
He inches closer again.  
  
 _Rustle rustle _.  
  
His hand slowly lifts up. Rei eyeballs him. His hand sets right on her ribs over the top of her borrowed tank top. _What is he _\-- Shinji frantically tickles her. Rei nearly howls with laughter. Shinji holds her down against the bed with his weight when she nearly springs away.  
  
“Ahahah- _SHINJI! Hahaha _\--WHAT are you--hahaha!!” Tears swell up in the corners of her eyes as she ungracefully flails her arms around playfully hitting Shinji on the back. The cat watches in disapproval from the pillow. Shinji laughs with her finally giving up after a few minutes. _Hah! Pant pant pant. That was so… different _. Shinji stays on top of her, using his good hand to keep himself up while his knees are straddling one of Rei’s thighs. His casted hand rests next to Rei’s messy hair that’s sprawled out on the bed. Rei’s breath slows down and she and Shinji take a few seconds to really look at each other.  
  
“You’re… so cute when you laugh,” he says looking at her lips.  
  
“Mrrrrow,” the cat says laying it’s head back down.  
  
“She--er he, I guess? Agrees!” Shinji says with a nod of approval. Rei rubs his face with one hand. She drags her fingertips along the back of his neck over to his jaw and then puts her thumb to his lip. _Arghhh, this is embarrassing. It feels like she’s looking inside of me sometimes with those eyes _.  
  
“Meow,” the cat says again. Shinji looks over to her/him. The cat’s crimson red eyes stare back. Shinji looks back at Rei. Then back to the cat. Then back to Rei.  
  
“So I think that cat was meant for you.”  
  
“How so?”  
  
“It’s got eyes just like you,” he says. Rei looks over. The cat looks back and starts purring. Rei reaches a hand out a softly scratches it’s chin.  
  
“I have never pet a cat before,” the cat turns its head up more, “It feels quite nice.”  
  
“Yeah, cat’s are cool.”  
  
“Indeed,” the cats purrs louder when she speaks. _I can feel it’s purrs vibrate through my fingers _. Shinji catches Rei off guard with a kiss just underneath her jaw. Rei herself purrs just then and rubs his lean upper arm. Shinji kisses her face again and again before finally landing on the tip of her nose.  
  
“The cat should be named after you,” he says without thought.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Well cuz…” Shinji squints in thought, “cuz Rei is the best name since it… belongs to… you,” he finishes with a nervous itch on his neck.  
  
“I believe it should be named Shinji. Since Shinji is the best name.” Shinji rolls his eyes.  
  
“That’s cheating,” he says with a playful pouty face. Shinji looks at the cat who’s rolling on its back kicking its legs out. “I say she’s a girl.” Rei hums. Rei looks over. “I want a Rei Junior… if that… works with girls too.”  
  
“I do not know,” she says while the cat licks its paws. “I suppose you may call her Rei as well.” The cat’s eyes close softly. Rei looks down her body realizing something. She reaches between them and grabs Shinji through his pants. _AIIIIY _! Shinji jumps backward and gets to his feet. Rei gets onto her elbows and fixates on his pants. “Seems like you are har—“  
  
“—Y-yeah, who wouldn’t be when you’re on top of someone so pretty?” Shinji rubs his neck with his casted hand.  
  
“If it makes you feel better, I am fairly we—“  
  
“Grrrrngh, Rei! Stuff like that’s embarrassing when you say it out _loudddd _.” Shinji’s flustered so he starts to hop on one foot slightly before a knock on the door pulls them back into reality. Rei straightens her shorts and walks forward. Shinji puts his back to the wall out of sight. _Shwoop _.  
  
“Dr. Akagi,” he assumes Rei bows her head. _Why the hell is she here? Should I call Misato-san _? Ritsuko clears her throat.  
  
“It’s unfortunate Commander Ikari could not place you somewhere more suitable for a young girl.”  
  
“Why are you here?” _Shf shfff _.  
  
“I found this,” _crinkle crinkle shhf _. “Do you remember that toy?”  
  
….  
  
“Hardly.”  
  
“Mmm, I assumed your newer bodies could not remember past events. However, your relationship with Shinji has continued? If so, then my hunch is absolutely wrong.” Shinji shivers.  
  
“Why did you give me this?”  
  
“...I had a box of my Mother’s things. I had never gone through it before. It was in there.” Rei hums.  
  
….  
 _This is so tense. Didn’t her Mother not even like Rei? She k-killed her. So _…  
  
“If there’s nothing else…” Rei hints.  
  
“Well. I… everything I have done…” Ritsuko sighs. “I regret it.”  
  
“It would already be too late,” Rei states. _Dang. That was tough,em >.  
  
“Yes. Yes it is. Even so, for what it’s worth,” Ritsuko’s voice cracks, “I’m _truly _sorry.” Rei hums. Tension builds deep in Shinji’s muscles as moments pass. “I’ll see you…” Ritsuko says, defeated. _Shwoop _. Shinji pops his head around the corner. Rei’s head and shoulders sag. Shinji tensely walks over and looks at the toy in her hands. It’s a white cat the size of her head. The cat’s eyes are red.  
  
“Looks like Rei,” she says, referring to the cat currently drooling on her pillow.  
  
“That’s kind of weird,” Shinji adds. Rei stares at it with a blank expression. Shinji holds her waist and leans her against him. “I-its ok if you don’t remember everything that’s happened before cuz, now you can make new memories you know?” Rei looks at him then back to the toy.  
  
“I think it has been four.”  
  
“Four… deaths?” Shinji says in disbelief. Rei nods. She walks toward the kitchen cabinet and swings it open. She pulls out the trash bin. _Dunk. Snap _. She shuts it with a finality and exhales out her nose. _I wanna do something. There’s gotta be something to get this off her mind. Think think think _. “Wanna um, go for a walk? We could get new clothes! Or um, eat ice cream. Orrrrr, uh,” Shinji looks around the room and pulls his brown leather wallet out his back pocket. He flicks it open with his wrist and checks. _Forty-five-hundred(yen) _. “We can get you a new dresser and stuff!” Rei puts her hand to her chin childishly.  
  
“I suppose, but I do not need one.” Shinji looks at her quizzically then points at her broken one that’s nearly going to fall over. “Well then I agree.” Shinji bounces at the prospect of getting to go out with Rei anywhere and happily get his shoes on. Rei changes shirts but chooses to keep Asuka’s shorts on. Shinji was just about to close the door but Rei the cat sprints out between the crack. Shinji doesn’t think much of it. The cat rubs against Rei’s legs purring making Shinji smile. He takes Rei’s hand and they walk.  
About three minutes in, Rei asks, “Do you know where we should go?” Shinji pauses.  
  
“Uh, not really. I’m sure we’ll find something, right?” He gives a huff of a laugh. Rei the cat followed them the whole way so far. _The hell is with this cat? Is she secretly a dog _? A few minutes pass again. It is quite comforting to walk with no set location. Especially with someone else. Rei sees a gaudy red sign indicating a thrift store. She points and he nods crossing the street. The windows are so covered in grease and dirt that Shinji cringes. Jees, you’d think Misato-san owned this place. Shinji shrugs and opens the door for Rei first. The cat tries to follow. Shinji sticks his foot out. “No cats allowed,” he reprimands. He could swear the cat huffed at him. He walks in and Rei’s standing next to a beautifully stained oak-looking dresser. It’s about the height of her ribs. Shinji looks for the tag. “Wow only three-hundred(yen)!”  
  
“Is that cheap?” Rei asks. The old man from behind the counter grumbles. He seems to be upset that young people walked in on him reading Playboy under the table. He gives them the eyes and continues. Shinji lowers his voice slightly.  
  
“I’d think so. It looks beautiful. Like u-uh…” _Like YOU. SAY IT. COME ON _! “L-like you,” Shinji mumbles looking at his foot. Rei smiles to herself.  
  
“You are beautiful as well,” she says. _Arghhhh _. Shinji scratches his cheek.  
  
“Is there anything else Rei?”  
  
“Yes, I love you and find you incredibly attractive.” Shinji grins and looks away.  
  
“I me-meant furniture.”  
  
“Oh. Well, not that I can think of.” Shinji looks around. The place is small but it’s cramped to the brim with furniture and clothing. Shinji scans over the clothes and spots a stunning crimson. He’s drawn to it like a gnat to light and walks over, gently pulling it from the rack. _That’d be so pretty on her _. He puts it against Rei’s body. “A dress? I already have one.”  
  
“Sure but not this dress.” The dress has a circular cut out on the chest and hugs tight to the waist but has a looser skirt similar to her school dress. The only difference being that the skirt would stop higher up her thigh. _Nnrnrnrnrnrnrnrrrrrrrrrr. She’d look so good, I’d freakin’ pop a bon _\-- Shinji starts drooling and Rei wipes it off his lip. Shinji uncomfortably shifts in his pants. “If you like it so much, I will get it.” Rei checks the tag while Shinji fist pumps the air. Ten-thousand.  
  
“Are you kids done? I got stuff to do,” the old guy in the back room says. Shinji rolls his eyes and they check out. Rei held the dress haphazardly thrown into the bag with one hand and helped Shinji lift up the dresser.  
  
Shinji lifted it with his one good hand and it nearly topples over. Shinji yelped when it landed on his toe.  
  
“Sir, do you have something to roll this out on?” Shinji says from just outside the door.  
  
“No, get outta here!” Shinji throws his arms up. _Great guy _.  
  
“Rei can you put your bag inside one of the drawers? I… can’t really lift it.” Rei does this and Rei the cat suddenly hops on top. “No! This is heavy enough!” Rei the cat looks at him with squinted eyes and stays seated. Rei pets her head and then tosses her back to the ground.  
  
“Mrow…” Rei shakes her head and the cat bows. _What the hell man, she doesn’t even have to say words like--ARGH _. Shinji huffs and uses his elbow and hand while Rei lifts with him. Two minutes in they both break a sweat.  
  
“This sucks…” Shinji whines, “set it down for a sec.” Thankfully, the sun started to go down slightly cooling them off. They both sat against an empty business store under a torn green shade. Rei the cat again sat high and mighty on the forbidden dresser with her chin held high. Maybe she shoulda been called ‘Asuka,’ Shinji muses. Rei stares at him while he zones out. She looks at how his nose has a slight bump on the bridge before it curves into a sharp point at the tip. His brows are relaxed and the don’t hang far over his eyes. His hair looks sweaty yet has remnants of lighter browns mixed in near the roots. He licks the corners of his lips when no one is looking. _It is… cute _. She looks at his hand that rests on his leg that are crisscrossed. It’s the broken one. His cast seems to be yellowing slightly. Rei looks back up to his eyes that are a dark blue. His lashes are nearly half an inch long. His lips are thinner and slightly pouty. Rei leans forward and kisses the corner of his mouth. Shinji shivers at the feeling and looks at her with slight surprise. A couple of older adults walk past and stare at them. Rei puts her hand on his cast and pets it, slowly going up his arm.  
  
“That feels good,” he says while slowly bobbing his head to keep from passing out on her shoulder. Rei kisses his head and he mewls. “R-Rei do you have a Birthday?” _I dunno why I chose NOW to ask _. Rei doesn’t let this stop her petting.  
  
“I have never celebrated or been told when that would be.” Shinji struggles to come up with a plan, distracted by Rei’s touches.  
  
“How about we pick a day and that will always be your Birthday.” Rei shakes her head and shrugs. “...You don’t want to?” Rei shrugs again.  
  
“I would rather celebrate our time together,” Rei runs the back of her hand along his arm and rests it on his lap. “We have almost been together for five months.” Shinji stiffens up then releases.  
  
“J-jee, yeah. We really have.” He looks to Rei and she looks at him with lips slightly parted. The setting sun hits her eyes just right making them shine. He glances at her hand resting on his lap. _Is it bad I’m thinking about that hand doing loads of other things? I suck _. His eyes switch to Rei’s legs tucked under her painfully resting on the bumpy concrete. “Let’s move this thing,” Shinji points to the dresser, “We can relax at home.” _I said ‘home’. It feels good to be able to do that _. They struggle for double the time it takes them to get home any other day.  
  
Currently at NERV  
  
“Fifth child?!” Misato nearly gags. Ritsuko has been banished to a dark room that has a single chair in the center. You’re to be kept here until further notice Gendo had said before locking the door. For a moment, she had hoped the lively steps of Misato were his. She answered Misato’s questions regardless.  
  
“Yes. That is what Seele has decided. I guess… my actions caused Ikari to speed up the process.” Misato nearly pounces Ritsuko.  
  
“Speed up WHAT?!” Ritsuko tcks and shakes Misato’s hand off her.  
  
“Be aware you’re being monitored.”  
  
“Who cares. What is being sped up Ritsuko? WHO is the fifth child? Why now?” Ritsuko sighs and throws her head back, closing her eyes.  
  
“Not now Major.” Misato’s shoulders slump. “Not now….”  
  
“Whatever,” Misato turns her back to her and opens the door a crack. Light pours over the back of Ritsuko. “When you feel like being a friend, tell them to call me in.” SLAM. Ritsuko’s mask of nonchalance breaks. _Friend? We haven’t been friends since college when I lied to you for the sake of HIM. He said to get you. I didn’t understand why. Now I do. Ugh I fed you to the wolves. Sigh. She puts her head in her hands. Another thing to hate myself for _.  
_______________________________________________________________________________


	4. You Can (NOT) Survive

  
7:31 PM  
  
“ _NRGH _!” Shinji jerked forward and shot up from the kitchen chair he was snoozing in. _Dok dok dok dok dok _. Rei was on her knees on the grey tiles near the kitchen sink. She pauses and turns to him. Their new cat sits on the counter and glares. Her eyes lower to his pants. She nods to herself and continues working. Shinji looks down. _AH _! Shinji covers himself with his hand. _How’d that happen? Not like I was dreaming about Rei or anything right? Ha. Ha. Ha _. Shinji snaps out of it with a _hfff _and grabs the screwdriver next to her left foot.__________  
  
“Sorry. I meant to help more.” Rei and Shinji had gotten back a while ago but after all the lifting and finding the perfect spot for the new dresser, Shinji’s lack of sleep finally caught up to him. _Dok dok dok _. Shinji jumps in and screws each joint of the cheap white plastic cabinets tight.__  
  
“I am capable.” Rei stands and dusts off her knees before placing the hammer next to her cat, petting her on the head. Shinji stands as well, quick to get her attention.  
  
“I know. But I wanted to help… cuz, this is the first thing we, um, got, _you know _, together.” Seconds pass and Rei says nothing. Shinji feels a slow rise of worry start from the pit of his stomach.__  
  
“Do you ever think of having children?” Shinji cocks his brow.  
  
“Not really.” A side of Rei’s lips drop.  
  
“Neither have I,” Rei continues to pet their cat, “But once in a while, I overhear Misato-san and Kabuchi-san talk about how they wish for some.” Shinji scratches his chin. _I never thought Misato-san would think about that. I guess most women just do _? Rei looks at him expectantly.__  
  
…..  
  
“You can’t have them right?” Rei shakes her head no. Shinji dives into his brain to pull out any sort of comforting thought he could offer. _Maybe she feels sad about it. Maybe she’s happy. Maybe she doesn’t KNOW. Maybe she’d just be happy with marriage _. “Would you ever get married?” Rei looks perplexed. Shinji picks at his unbuttoned shirt, “Or not—“__  
  
“—I have never thought about it since such a thing seemed too far fetched for me.” Rei the cat purrs loudly vibrating the counter. _I can hardly imagine it _, Rei thinks. _From the small experience I have with such a thing, it does seem like a fulfilling thing to do _.____  
  
“I’d marry you.” Shinji surprises them both equally. Rei looks at him with humility he rarely sees on her face. A genuine look of raw emotion. It forces Shinji to stick to his guns. He crosses his left hand over his body to reach to hers. “I would. Even if it’s… scary.” Rei opens and closes her mouth multiple times. _At a time like this, I hardly know what to say _. Rei thinks back to when Shinji ripped open her pilot hatch that was searing hot with his bare hands. He had cried for her and told her that if she didn’t know what to say, then she should smile for him. Rei feels a flicker under her breast. She smiles at him. It lights up her eyes and face, making Shinji reciprocate. He hugs her first, wrapping his arms tight around her waist, letting the cold tip of his nose touch her ear. She holds him just as tight.__  
  
“One day, perhaps we can.” _W-wow. She… really said it back _. Shinji’s eyes dampen. He tucks his face into her neck. _Ba-dump ba-dump _. His fingers dig into her waist and he bends back lifting her slightly off the ground.____  
  
“Rahhhh, I freakin’ love you.” Shinji feels a load of relief temporarily lift off his shoulders. He puts her down again and kisses all over her face. Rei smiles at him.  
  
“You seem to have more confidence.” Shinji shakes his head like an excited child.  
  
“It’s you that makes me feel like I can.” I finally understand that. Shinji takes that confidence to the next level and lifts Rei with one arm, setting her on the counter.  
  
“Mrowww,” Rei the cat disapproves. She had to get up to move to a new spot. She decided to now lazily rest atop the small waist-high refrigerator. Shinji skips over to it swinging the door open and pulling out ice cream.  
  
“I found your favorite last time,” Shinji opens a drawer with his pinky pulling out a spoon, “Green tea!” Rei swings her legs slightly on the counter. _Guess she approves then _! Shinji peels off the lid, scooping up a small amount. He bravely presses the spoon against her bottom lip. She opens. He watches as she timidly eats it off. Her neck swells then flattens. Shinji shivers. _…That kind of looks like when she swallows… other… stuff _. He shivers again.____  
  
“Tastes good.” She grabs the spoon and scoops up ice cream. She delicately feeds it to him. He eats with less grace than she had. Shinji becomes hyper aware of his position between her open legs. He looks in between her legs. _Dammit why’d she have to be wearing shorts of all things?! She ALWAYS wears dresses _! Shinji’s hips move forward without his permission. _JEEZ GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF _! Shinji awkwardly laughs. Rei closes the small container and sets the spoon down next to it. _His neck looks red. I assume his body temperature went up _. Rei puts her hands on his ribs and pulls his waist into hers. Shinji tries to fight it, but gives in anyway. His hands are on either sides of her thighs. _Nrgh _. Shinji feels a tightness in his pants the more he thinks. It’s slowly becoming more and more obvious to Rei. “H-hey, we… we should… uh, do _stuff _.” Shinji’s courage is slowly waning. His body shrinks. Rei lifts his chin with one finger and kisses him roughly. _Woah. This is a first _. Shinji lets her have him before demanding control. He bites her lip harder than he typically would. “S-sor—“ Rei slips her tongue in brushing against his teeth. _Alright. She wants it rougher for sure _. Shinji gets up on his tip toes and bites her hard again pulling her lip towards him.______________  
  
“Mm,” Rei moans. She tightens her legs around his waist getting their pelvises as close as possible. The head of his penis bulges against his fly rubbing against her just so. She rocks her hips.  
  
“Dammit,” Shinji whines. He frantically moves against her and holds her waist with his casted hand. His good hand is anchored to the counter; the tips of his fingers burn. Their breaths grow ragged; they both have their eyes closed and their foreheads pressed together. _This is amazing. It’s cuz of her. DAMMIT I don’t know what isn’t amazing without her. Nothing was before. She’s changed everything _. “Rei,” her eyes open slightly revealing the pupil, “I’m sorry for things I’ve said or done to you,” Rei slows herself down, “But I finally forgive myself. And I forgive you… for things that I thought you somehow controlled.” Shinji takes a breath and stops his movement. “One day when we get out of this… we’re gonna be able to be together. For real.” Rei’s eyes water and she hugs Shinji with a familiarity that makes him warm.__  
  
“I hope.”  
  
“I _know _.” Shinji holds Rei’s left hand and presses it against his sternum. “We could get married and have a cat.”__  
  
“MRwww.”  
  
“Well we can have this cat and… and a kid too. We can adopt. N’ we can get a small place n’—“  
  
“—I would… love to have all of those things with you,” she says against the collar of his shirt. Her fingers knead his upper back and kisses the side of his neck. “I love you,” she sniffs, “I love you Shinji. _SNIFF _. I love you,” Rei cries. She embarrassingly pushes him away turning her head to the side.__  
  
“Rei… I love you too.” Shinji rests his chin on her shuddering shoulder. Her hair tickles his nose. Rei the cat eyes them before strolling over. Shinji moves back and the cat settles on Rei’s lap. Rei looks down and a tear falls right on her ear. _Twitch _. “I think that cat also loves you.” Rei’s tears dry quickly and she strokes the cat lazily from head to tail. I wish she would pet ME like that, Shinji bashfully thinks. _Beep beep. Rei’s phone _. “I got it!” Shinji rushes over to the table.  
 _Click. You don’t know who I am. But I sure know YOU, Rei. I’ll be seeing you soon _. Shinji’s brows furrow. He walks to Rei with his head down. “It’s a random number.” Rei reads it. Then reads it again.______  
  
“I do not know who this could be.” Shinji worriedly rubs his arm. Rei crosses her legs on the counter and reads it once more.  
  
“Do you think it’s dangerous?” _I truly do not know. What are you planning now Commander _?__  
  
 _BEEP BEEP _. Shinji and Rei sigh in unison. They both open their phones. _AN ANGEL IS APPROACHING. ALL PILOTS REPORT TO HQ IMMEDIATELY _. Rei hops off the counter and grabs her emergency bag containing her suit and extra water. Shinji stays in the same spot. Rei nudges his back.____  
  
“Let us not be too suspicious, I should head in first.”  
  
“I don’t care about suspicious. I don’t care about hiding it. I… don’t even wanna go.” Shinji’s hands drop to his sides heavily. “Rei we should just get outta here while we can.” Rei’s shoulders slump.  
  
“It is incredibly complicated. But I can not…” Shinji’s head droops down. “I am bonded with the Eva, and with Nerv. It is indeed a part of me. I have to stay until my purpose is fulfilled.” Rei makes her way to the door. Shinji calls after her.  
  
“How long will that even be?”  
  
“Soon.”  
  
TWO HOURS EARLIER  
  
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T GET IN UNIT 02?!”  
  
Asuka fumes and stomps her feet rapidly looking up at Fuyutsuki from the Control Bridge. He looks at her with narrowed eyes.  
  
“You heard what I said. You are unfit to pilot it at this point an—“  
  
“—UNFIT?!” Asuka’s voice cracks and her eyes dart to the floor. _SHWOOP _. Misato walks in wity heavy feet. _Something’s not right with this new pilot. And if I just heard right, they're trying to replace Asuka with him _. Misato stands by Asuka and pats her shoulder. Asuka tries to shake her off but she grips tighter._  
  
“Yes. You are unfit to pilot Unit 02. The US is sending over Unit 03. It will arrive in approximately twenty-three minutes. You will be placed in it immediately.” Misato and Asuka both jerk their heads upward.  
  
“This is the first I’ve heard,” Misato barks, “Why was I not informed?” Asuka puts her hand over her face and closes off her body.  
  
“You did not need to know at the moment.” Misato scoffs at him, but Asuka burts out.  
  
“WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO MY EVA?!” Fuyutsuki hums to himself and turns around.  
  
“Unit 02 is no longer yours.” Asuka’s face drops. Misato inhales sharply. Shwoop.  
  
“Misato-san the US is—“ Maya preppily chimes in before seeing the hunch in Asuka’s back. Asuka loathes the look Maya gives her and puts her shield back up.  
  
“Who needs Unit 02 anyway?” She says with a lack of conviction before nearly running out of sight. Misato rubs her temples. _That’s gonna break her confidence and drop her synch rate even more I bet _. Maya slowly walks closer and softly speaks.  
  
“The US is apparently arriving in nineteen minutes…?”  
  
“Seems that way,” Misato shrugs, “Lots going on now a days.” Maya nods but smiles a bit.  
  
“I have all the confidence that you can handle it Major.”  
  
“That’s nice to hear,” Misato lies. In fact, Misato hates that Maya would say that. She wishes no one believed in her. Not Asuka, not Rei, not Shinji. Misato hardly believes in herself. _But I have to. I have to carry that weight. I have to try _.  
  
Meanwhile in the Changing Room  
  
Several of the cool LED light strips flicker above Asuka’s head. She sits on the bench with her legs open and her head nearly between them. She lightly rocks back and forth. _This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening _. While Asuka had been changing into her plugsuit, vicious thoughts raced through her mind. _You’re NOTHING. You’re worthless. I hate you. YOU LOST. DIE. GIVE UP! END IT _! The thoughts got louder and louder until Asuka groaned in pain. Now she’s here. Shivering in a cold sweat. _I can’t have lost. I have to pilot. If I can’t. I’m NOTHING. I MEAN nothing. Mamma…. Mamma was right _. Asuka grits her teeth and holds her breath until her vision blurs. She pulls her hair with her fists and feels the pain deep in the roots. An obnoxious screech from the speakers echoes in the room.  
  
PILOT 02. REPORT TO THE TEST ROOM IMMEDIATELY.  
  
 _Sighhhhhh _. Asuka feels relief as her chest compresses and sits slightly upright. Everything is immediately. Asuka languishly stands up. Everything is now. Asuka slowly walks to the door with limp hands and arms. Everything is dangerous. Asuka opens the door and walks as if these are the last she will take. In this case, this is the end. _This is my last chance. I have to prove I’m worth… something _.  
  
Asuka goes into autopilot. She says nothing as she settles into the pilot seat of the black and white Unit 03. _This isn’t my Eva. It doesn’t smell right. I want my Eva _. The hatch closes loudly behind her. Misato watches the screen. Maya is with her behind the glass and next to the screen. Maya is preoccupied with checking vitals and other technical necessities. Fuyutsuki and Gendo can be seen looking down at them from another glass box on the opposite side of the large grey-blue padded room Unit 03 has been contained in. Misato taps her finger against her skirt. Her eyes fixate on Asuka.  
  
“I want my Eva….” Asuka mumbles to herself.  
  
“I know you do,” Misato softly responds. Asuka looks at her then shakes her head with annoyance.  
  
“You wouldn’t get it,” Asuka brushes it off.  
  
Asuka looks up then down. Her hands shuffle in her lap. Maya focuses on the Sync. _It’s not looking good; this is the lowest I’ve ever seen it _. Maya turns around and worriedly looks at Misato. Misato nods hesitantly.  
  
“Please explain it to me Asuka.” Irritation etches Asuka’s face.  
  
“I couldn’t if I tried,” she huffs. Misato patiently waits and stands upright with her hands clasped.  
  
“I need to pilot. If I don’t… I’m not… I’m not…” _Say it. Tell them how much you hate yourself _, Asuka’s inner voice croaks. _Tell them how your Mamma made you cry when you begged yourself not to. Tell them about what she did to you. Tell them about how angry Shinji makes you. Tell Misato how jealous you are of her. TELL THEM _! “NO! Dammit,” Asuka shrivels up into a ball and hides her head between her knees. Fuyutsuki and Gendo pass glances at each other.  
  
“Oh no…” Maya whines quietly, “She’s hit under twenty…. Twenty is the minimum for any pilot.” Asuka doesn’t hear this, yet she feels it somehow deep in her stomach. A dull ache. Misato’s shoulders drop.  
  
“I’m sorry Asuka. But if you really try maybe y—“  
  
“—I did. I am.” _I give up. GRAWWWRRRRR _. Unit 03 roars shaking the glass and startling everyone in proximity.  
  
“What the hell?!” Misato hollars. _GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! _! Asuka’s eyes widen in utter shock and then silence. _Bzzt _“Where the hell did the connection go?!” Maya quickly taps every possible button.______________________  
  
“I’m not sure we won’t be able to see or hear her for an uncertain amount of time.” Fuyutsuki and Gendo watch with blank faces until—  
  
—WEEEEEOOOOOWEEEEEOOOO—EMERGENCY EMERGENCY. AN ANGEL HAS BEEN DETECTED.  
  
“Where?”  
  
“On it.” A few taps later. “This can’t be….”  
  
“What?!” Maya sits back with a thud and waves her hand. “It’s right… in front of us.”  
_________


	5. Maybe I Am (NOT) The One Who's Lonely

  
_GRAAAAAAAAAAAH _!  
  
Unit 03 violently rips itself off the wall taking chunks of brick and wires with it. A group of wires are wrapped around it’s neck.  
  
“Can you still see Asuka’s vitals?!” Misato grips tightly on the back of Maya’s burgundy padded chair. Maya runs her fingers through her hair and inhales sharply.  
  
“It seems like she’s _conscious _, but those wires wrapped around her neck aren't affecting her. Her synch with the Eva is at nine, she couldn’t save herself if she wanted to!”  
  
“Dammit. Can you take it over manually?” The Eva digs it’s fingers under the wires frantically. _GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CRNCH _! The wires fling from the Eva and crack the glass protecting Gendo and Fuyutsuki. They stay unfazed. The Eva suddenly jerks toward their side again.  
  
“It seems Seele sent an Angel to speed up the process,” Fuyutski comments. The Eva stomps toward them slowly and shakily. It seems like any minute it could lose it’s balance. _BMF. BMF. BMF _.  
  
“That just means we speed up our process.” _SLAM. CRNNNNNNNchhhhHHHH _. Unit 03’s fist hooked around and cracks a large portion of the glass in front of the two men.  
  
“Move you idiots!” Misato waves her arms at them. Maya feels sweat pool at the bottom of her neck, soaking her collar. _Tap tap tap tap click click tap _.  
  
“ _Ugh _, NOTHING IS WORKING!” _SLAM SLAM SLAM _. The Eva continuously pounds the glass until finally—“OH MY GOD!” The Eva bends at the knees and jumps up bursting through the ceiling. Misato throws herself against the glass to see how far up it’s gotten.  
  
“It completely got through HQ!”  
  
Gendo waves to them through the class and motions for the phone next to Maya’s many monitors. _Brrrr-ing _. Maya picks up immediately.  
  
“Y-yes Commander Ikari?” Misato and him hold eye contact. Misato’s shoulders tense and her knees feel weak. _Please don’t say it _. Gendo looks on at her, cracks on the glass distort his mouth and much of his body. _Please don’t say it _. His mouth opens and it seems like three or so words. _Please don’t. Please don’t make me do it _. Maya gasps and the seat squeaks under her. _Please don’t do this to Shinji _. “But… _Sir _, that’s… _Asuka _in there,” Maya stutters. _No. No please _. Misato’s face falters. And she swears that Gendo smirks. He says nothing and hangs up. Maya quietly sets the phone down on the hook. _Clk _.  
  
….  
  
"Commander said—“  
  
“—I know.”  
  
….  
  
“What am I gonna tell the kids?” Misato rests her head against the glass and holds her necklace with the tips of her fingers. _God help them _. “Send out the call. Evacuate the city.”  
  
Present Time  
  
 _Shwoop. Tap. Cr. Tap. Tap. Tap _.  
  
Rei and Shinji quickly walk to Nerv headquarters hand in hand, oblivious to the fact Unit 03 was even supposed to arrive. They look up toward the mountains far off behind all of the Tokyo buildings. The blood orange sun peaks from far back in the sky painting the city and the road they walk down. _Da-dunp. Da-dunp _. Shinji idly swallows.  
  
“Are you alright?” Rei asks quietly in her calm voice. Shinji nearly trips on a pebble and has to shake his head. He reaches to touch the back of his neck. _How am I sweating so much _?  
  
“I… I feel weird.” Rei stops for a moment to touch his forehead. _He seems incredibly warm. It is only 70 degrees out _. Rei swings her bag off her shoulder and pulls out her bottle of water. _Twiss-pop _. She puts the bottle to his lips and tips it. Shinji swallows harshly. He wipes his mouth with his shirt collar and frowns. _I needa get myself together _. “L-lets’s go.” Rei says nothing and walks with him watching him out of one eye. _Perhaps he senses things I can not. I can not recall him having this kind of reaction before _.  
  
“Your reactions are concerning me.”  
  
“Sorry, I… seriously don’t know why this is happening.” Rei holds onto his thin arm and kisses the side of his head.  
  
“Whatever happens, we will handle it. Together,” she finishes. Shinji smiles in spite of himself.  
  
Ten Minutes Later  
  
SHWOOOOO. DOOOSH.  
  
“Both pilots have landed! The target is one-hundred-ten feet away.” Unit 01 and Unit 00 are side by side, ducking under a large bridge on the outskirts of Tokyo-3. “The Target has not yet reached the city,” a crew member informs.  
  
“What exactly is this Angel anyway? And where’s Asuka?” Shinji asks.  
  
….  
  
“Hello? Misato-san?”  
  
….  
  
 _What the hell? Who’s on the other side?! Who’s giving us orders _? Shinji looks at the monitor to his right; Rei is not looking at him, she is hyper focused on their surroundings; specifically, what could be hidden behind the mountains.  
  
“Shinji,” _Father? _! “I will be giving the commands for this mission.”  
  
“But where’s Misato-san?!”  
  
“Major Katsuragi is fine. Rei—“  
  
“—Yes Sir?”  
  
“Move out to seventy feet ahead. Do not engage in close combat.”  
  
“Yes Sir.” Rei reaches for the machine gun and quietly maneuvers around the bridge settling in behind a tall building. _I still can’t see the damn thing _, Shinji thinks. _This so suspicious. Why would he take Misato away _?  
  
“Where is Asuka?”  
  
….  
  
“Where’s Asuka?!” Panic starts to rise inside of Shinji’s chest.  
  
“She is here,” Gendo lies. Maya turns around in awe and looks at the Commander sitting with his hands crossed in front of his face. _He isn’t going to tell them? _! “She was not well enough to pilot.” Rei shivers. _He could not have _…. Suddenly, a deep roar breaks the silence of the city. _GRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOR! WHERE IS IT? _! Shinji looks around wildly getting his pistol ready and up.  
  
…..  
  
A small black head pops up over the mountains and slowly gets bigger. _It seems thin _, Shinji thinks. _STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP _. The blood orange sun is placed behind the Angel almost perfectly, making the front pitch black and non recognizable. Shinji squints at it. It comes closer. _No… no that’s not…. That CAN’T be…. pant. Pant. Pant. pant. pant. PANT _.  
  
“THAT’S AN EVANGELION!” Shinji screams. Rei’s eyes fly open and her pupils dilate. _No. That must be _…. Maya bites her tongue and sadly looks at Gendo as if saying _please don’t make them _. Gendo denies this.  
  
“That, is an _Angel _. Our mission, is to _destroy _them. Take the shot Shinji.” Maya closes her eyes.  
  
“N-NO WAY! THERE’S A KID IN THERE JUST LIKE REI AND I!” Gendo sighs aggressively.  
  
“Fine. Rei, shoot it.” Rei struggles with the trigger. _But—that is… that is _….  
  
“REI DON’T!” Rei lowers her gun and looks at the monitor to see Shinji’s teary eyes. “ _Please! Don’t _!”  
  
“ _Urgh! _” Gendo lets out, “DO IT REI!” Rei aims again.  
  
“N-NO! DON’T DO THIS FATHER!” Rei pulls the trigger back slowly. _I am sorry. If that is you, Asuka, I am so sorry _. Just as Rei’s fingers pulls back,  
  
— _GRRRRRARRRRRRRRRRRR _!!! Unit 03 jumps into the air and flips over itself pouncing on Rei knocking her straight on her front.  
  
“ _Gyah! _” Rei tries to get her arms out from under her but the Eva is stepping on her head and holding her arms down. _HISSSSSSSSSS _. Unit 03 lets out a white acid that leaks onto Unit 00’s left arm. Strange veins starts to form on the area. “ _GYAHHH! _”  
  
“REI!” Shinji cries.  
  
“It’s infecting the Eva! It’s trying to take control!”  
  
“Cut the arm!”  
  
“But SIR!” Maya pleads. _She will feel that _!  
  
“CUT. IT.” _BFF _.  
  
“AAARRGHHH!” Rei clutches her shoulder and tears well up in her eyes. Shinji watches from inside his Eva. He can’t move his body, and in turn, the Eva. _RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRR _! Unit 03 steps on the downed Unit’s back repeatedly stomping it over and over. “ _Gyaah! NRGH! FFFF—UNRGH!” Rei. Rei _! REI!!! Shinji leaps over the bridge and lunges at the Angel.  
  
“AHHHHHHHH!!!” _BAM _. The loud bang of metal on metal rips through the wind. Shinji knocks the Angel over causing it to crash on top of multiple houses. He immediately reaches for Rei.  
  
“N-no. You must, _ngh _—“  
  
“—I have to move you! I will _not _kill them.” He hoists Rei over his shoulder and carrys the lankey robot back to behind the bridge. As soon as he sets her down however,  
  
“Watch—“ _BAM _. The Angel is holding Shinji’s head down in the river next to their feet. Shinji’s hand flails behind his back, weakly hitting the Angel’s side. _ROOAAAAR! “NRGH _—“ Rei uses all of her strength to throw herself on top of the Angel. Shinji isn’t choking since the Eva can’t breathe, but he can feel the ferocious grip on the back of his skull. He holds the back of his head with one hand. His broken hand from a few days ago is still useless, laying limp in the water. _Dammit _, Rei grits her teeth. Both of them have lost one of their arms.  
  
“S- _ng-Shinji _!”  
  
“What?!” Shinji and Rei have sandwiched the Angel between them. The Angel is getting increasingly agitated, it starts to spasm.  
  
“We do not have a choice. We— _GYH _—have to kill.” Shinji’s mouth drops. Gendo smirks behind his hands. _Good _.  
  
“You— _drk _—can’t be serious!”  
  
“I will do it.” Shinji says nothing. His face goes blank and he stops fighting back. “I am sorry, Shinji.” Rei hops off and the Angel jumps in the air before falling down just a few inches shy of Rei. She sprints toward the gun vault from where they were stationed and grabs an extra pistol. She immediately points the gun. Unit 01 ever-so-slightly sinks into the river. _She can’t be… she can’t do that. BAM BAM BAM BAM _.  
  
“NOOOOOOOO!!!” Shinji’s screams echo and ring through Nerv’s battle deck. The sound waves travels over countless gusts of wind that metaphorically crash into Rei making her literally fall over. Unit 03’s head and chest completely exploded yet it stands upright. Only an eye attached to it’s long pink socket hangs down. It dangles back and forth hitting the lankey arms again and again as the wind knocks it side to side. The eye looks deep into Rei.  
  
“ _GYA _—“ Rei covers her mouth. Maya does similarly but she hides her whole head in her hands and lets out a painful cry. Gendo’s face remains in a tight smirk. Shinji weakly gets up on his knees and looks at the back of the Angel. Blood and guts run down the river toward him. _Pantpantpantpantpantpant _.  
  
“Rei,” Gendo cuts in, “Destroy the entry plug.” Rei lets out a whine. _I can not. I have already… done so much wrong _. Gendo frowns. “This is an order Rei.” _Pantpantpantpant _. Shinji’s breaths are so rapid that his throat feels as if someone took a grater to it. His hands won’t stop shaking. Rei stands up. She’s knee high in water covered in blood that she caused. The gun is still in her hand. Her left arm is covered in thick veins that pulsate the more she breathes. “Do it Rei. She is not the same person anymore.” _She _? Shinji’s eyes widen. His mouth slowly opens. _That’s _…  
  
“ASUKA?!” Shinji cries. Rei trembles. “REI! REI DON’T! _NO MORE! PLEASE REI DON’T! REI _!!!” Maya covers her ears but she can’t unhear it. Tears fill Rei’s eyes. One drops on her lap and she looks down. _I am… crying again _. “PLEASE REI!”  
  
“Push the LCL in Unit 01 to 600.” Maya snaps up.  
  
“Sir he’s gonna be sick for _days! _”  
  
“DO WHAT I SAY!” Maya purses her lips and slide the dial up.  
  
“REI DO— _oooon’t _“  
Shinji’s world goes black.  
  
….  
  
….  
  
….  
  
….  
  
Seven Days Later  
  
 _BeepBeep. BeepBeep _.  
  
“Unggg…” Shinji’s eyes slowly open. He covers his eyes with his forearm. _So bright. Where am I _? Shinji tries to turn to his side but is stopped by the tug of cords and tubes attached to him somewhere. He opens one eye. A-Asuka?! “As— _grah _—“ His voice is completely gone. He realizes it hurts just to breathe. _God dammit, are there nails in my lungs now? _! Asuka’s pale body lies on it’s back. Her cheek bones are protruding and her hair is matted. A dozen cables are connected to her. “Asuka,” he weakly whispers. _She’s not gonna respond. Swhoop _. Shinji pretends to be asleep still and shuts his eyes. _Tap bap tap bap tap. Scrr _.  
“Sit, Rei,” Misato’s voice says. _Thank God she’s ok _. “He’s asleep; this could be good practice.”  
  
….  
  
“I… did not destroy the entry plug. But I did… try to kill her.” Shinji clenches his fist under the blanket. “Since I shot her head, Asuka-kun will most likely have brain trauma for the rest of her life,” Rei takes a breath. “I felt as though, there was a reason to destroy the Angel, even if it was wrong. If I did not, you would have all been dead,” Rei sniffs, “That does not mean it doesn’t hurt.” _Sniff _. He hears movement and assumes Misato is comforting her. _So much to think about. Taking a life is taking a life. In a way it’s… it’s justified _. Shinji can hardly hide his expressions anymore. _DAMN THIS SYSTEM _. Shinji sits up fast making him dizzy. Rei and Misato jerk back in surprise. _None of this shit is fair. It’s ALL bullshit _. Shinji kicks off the blankets and gets up.  
  
Shinji starts ripping cords out of his body by the fistful. His broken hand can slightly move now. “This is all stupid!” He yells and shakes his hands at the wall. “I don’t even know WHO TO BLAME ANYMORE!” Shinji rips the sheets off the bed and throws them against the wall. “DAMMIT!” He punches the wall, “DAMMIT!” He hits it again cracking his knuckles.  
  
“Shinji,” Misato quietly says, “It isn’t fair. You’re right. All of us adults are putting our fate in your hands selfishly. But what _else can we do? _” Shinji’s _tch’s _. “We want to _live _. Don’t you?”  
  
….  
  
His first thought is _not really _. But then he has to remember the people he’s met. Touji and Kensuke have become good friends at school. Maya is always nice to him when they do speak. Misato takes care of him the best she can. Asuka… _sigh _. Rei. His eyes open a bit more. He turns away from the wall and looks at Rei who’s got her arm in a sling again. She also has a series of bruises from her forehead to her lips. Rei looks away from his gaze shamefully. Shinji leans over the bed toward her with one hand twisted into the sheets.  
  
“Rei,” she turns to him, “If I was in the Eva, would you have done it?” Rei drops her head.  
  
“Jesus Shinji why would you even ask that?!” Misato yells, “Enough of this pouting—“  
  
“—No,” Rei says quietly, “I would rather have died.” In a way, it makes Shinji feel better. _She’s still a person. She still loves me _. But at the same time, it leaves him empty. _She still would kill another person _.  
  
“Both of you are being childish,” Misato interjects, “If you hadn’t done it Rei, we all could have died. What about that is wrong Shinji? She’s a _hero _.” Shinji and Rei say nothing, deep in thought. Misato looks at Asuka miserably. “I wish things would have been different, but she’s alive. One less thing to be on your conscious….”  
  
“Where were _you? _”  
  
“I was ordered to stay away. I tried to fight, but it would have seemed suspicious. Commander Ikari thought we had all become too close. I’m sorry. I really am.” Shinji turns his lip up as if saying sure. Misato sighs and hesitantly reaches for his hand on the bed. He pulls away as if he’d be burned. Misato’s heart aches. _This is the real Shinji. He’s colder than I would have imagined _. “I’ll just… go. Take a day or so off. Both of you.” Misato walks out of the room. _Shwoop _. She leans against the door and lets out a deep breath. _It seems like the more I try to involve myself with those three, the worse things get for them. I want them to be together. I want them to be happy. Maybe I’m just the one who isn’t ever supposed to be. Maybe… I’m the one who’s lonely. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


	6. What You Can (NOT) Be To Me

  
Shinji and Rei had stood in the room breathing the same air for five minutes without talking. The beeping of Asuka’s monitor serves as a painful reminder of where they are. Shinji stares at Rei. The bruises on her face hurt him. The bags under her eyes disturb him when in contrast to her pale skin. The sling reminds him of the first day he saw her months ago. Her brows are knit almost permanently together. Shinji’s feet become numb on the cold floor. He looks around and reaches for the blanket he threw picking it up and tossing it on the bed. He climbs in, leaving an area open to his side.  
  
“Come here,” he beckons.  
  
“Really?” Rei asks innocently. Shinji nods. Rei stands with a groan and nearly falls onto the bed. She’s wearing her usual school dress, and he noticed just how bruised her legs are. He worriedly pushes her skirt up to look.  
  
“Shit. Do you have more?” _Stupid question _. Rei nods. A slight dust of pink covers her nose. He realizes his hand is almost perfectly between her legs. Despite himself, he feels it between his legs as well. _Stop. This isn’t the time _. He pulls his hand back just slightly. “Can you show me the rest?” Rei tries to unzip her dress. She hisses. Shinji does it for her, pulling it over one arm then over her head leaving her only in her undershirt, bra, and underwear. Shinji haphazardly shoves her dress to the bottom of the bed. He quickly goes for the buttons on her white short-sleeve shirt.____  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I need to see it.” Shinji opens it and sees _one two three four five _deep blue and purple bruises covering her ribs, hips, and chest. Shinji chokes down a cry in the back of his throat. He moves up closer to her sitting crossed-legged and wraps his arms around her shoulders shoving his face against her thin neck.__  
  
…..  
  
His lashes tickle her neck.  
  
…..  
  
“I… feel as though this question needs to be asked,” Rei starts, “Do you still want to be with me?” Shinji answers immediately.  
  
“Yes. I want you. N’... I _need _you,” Shinji stumbles, “I love you.” Shinji looks at Asuka over Rei’s shoulder and shuts his eyes. _I can’t cry anymore. They’re all gone _.  
  
“I love you, Shinji. I am… _incredibly _sorry.”  
  
“I know. I think maybe A-Asuka is the one who needs to hear that more than me.”  
  
Three Hours Later  
  
“So where is the fifth child?”  
  
“Getting briefed by Commander Ikari _personally _I imagine.” Ritsuko had been released from confinement for her crimes against the cloning tank. Her punishment was being thrown in solitary confinement for three days and then to be humiliated in front of Seele the way only a woman could be. She hasn’t been the same since, Misato had thought offhand. _I have so many questions to ask her. I want to get straight to the point but I think that time is past. Because of her actions Seele and Nerv are all over her. There’s no place that’s safe anymore. Kaji is the only one now _.  
  
Currently Outside of Gendo Ikari’s Office  
  
_Shinji Ikari, Askua Langley Soryu, and Rei Ayanami. Soryu is no longer someone to be concerned with it seems. Ikari seems the most impressionable from what Commander Ikari has shown me. He’ll be my key _.  
  
“Heh,” Kaworu laughs to himself and pushes himself off the wall he leaned on. _Ayanami however, she was not supposed to be involved with him in such a way. I do not understand what transpired between them _. Kaworu makes his way to the elevator a few long seafoam green hallways away. He drags his knuckles along the walls the whole way with a permanent smirk on his face. He always smirks no matter the situation.  
  
“They should b—let out—ow.” Kaworu makes out voices down the hall just barely. He halts. “Ikar—Inji is free to-g—“  
  
“Thank y—letting me kn—w.” That sounded like Major Katsuragi. _Commander Ikari told me to watch out for her. ‘Keep as much distance from everyone as possible’. Buuut, Ikari-kun… sounds like he’s out of the hospital now. I should move in quickly _. Kaworu nearly runs to the elevator.  
  
Near the Escalators  
  
….  
  
_Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee _. Rei had gone ahead of Shinji since he was immediately thrown back into an Eva synch test. She had two things always on her mind and it seemed to follow her anywhere she went. This was never a problem before, yet now, something inside of her had mended. She was different now. She had a conscious. A heart. Rei stared at her feet as the long escalator ride continued. Her arm had begun to throb again as of ten minutes ago. She gently rubbed out her shoulder. _Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee _. She reaches the top and steps off before looking up. _Gasp _. Rei’s eyes widen and she takes a step back. A boy with white hair wearing clothes like Shinji is standing nearly three feet from her. His hands are in his pockets as if he’d been there a while, and a smile is on his face.  
  
“Ayanami Rei. Pilot for Unit 00. Nice to finally meet face to face.” Rei frowns at him.  
  
“Who are you?”  
  
“Nagisa Kaworu. We’re _similar _, you know.” Rei scoffs and tries to walk away but he side steps in front of her. _He has the same eyes as me _. “We’re the only ones. It’s almost romantic _hah _,” he jokes. Rei does not laugh.  
  
“I am going home.” Rei walks off. Kaworu shrugs. _Interesting _. Kaworu makes his way to the changing room.  
  
….  
  
“Ok, you’ve still got a good synch ratio. Pretty soon we’ll be able to take that wrist binding off. You can go home for today.” Shinji nods. A few minutes later, Shinji turns the shower head on. _Hissss _. He has tons of bruises down his back, but most of them are already fading. _Clink, tap tap _. Shinji spins his head around.  
  
“W-who’s there?”  
  
….  
  
_Creak _. Shinji stops the shower head and wraps a towel around his waist. _I swear I heard someone _. He pulls the curtain back.  
  
“ _GYAH _! Who are you?!” Kaworu’s sitting with his legs crossed on the bench next to Shinji’s clothes. Shinji shoves his back against the cold brick.  
  
“Hi! I’m Nagisa Kaworu. I’ve already had the pleasure of meeting Ayanami-san. I already know about you as well.” Shinji blinks.  
  
“O-ok? Um. Why’re you in here?”  
  
“I was dying to meet you. I figured once you got changed we could talk for awhile.” Shinji starts to pick up some of his clothes.  
  
“S-sure Nagisa-san.” Kaworu waves his hand.  
  
“Call me Kaworu-kun!” Shinji nods with a slight pink dust on his ears.  
  
….  
  
“Could you turn around K-Kaworu-kun?” He smiles and turns his head. Shinji watches him while he changes. Just as he gets his underwear on, Kaworu speaks up cheerily.  
  
“I have my own place. You should come by Shinji-kun.”  
  
“Um…” Shinji is hesitant. _Misato isn’t coming home. Neither is… Asuka _. “I… don’t know about tonight.” Kaworu turns around. “H-hey!” Kaworu waves it off again.  
  
“Nothing to be ashamed of Shinji-kun. I’ve seen it _all _before.” Shinji shakes his head and throws his pants on. Ugh. Too much is going on to be messing around. “Something on your mind?”  
  
“There always is lately.”  
  
“I understand. That must be very hard.”  
  
“It… it is,” Shinji buttons his shirt, “Maybe I will go with you tonight.”  
  
“Fantastic.”  
  
After about five minutes of walking, they pass a convenience store with a big gaudy pink sign. Shinji spots a group of young teenagers horse playing and kissing their girlfriends. _So reckless. I feel like I’ve never gotten to do any of that _. One of the boys has his hand completely under a girl’s skirt. The girl seems to love it.  
  
“You wish you could be like them hmm?” Shinji shrugs.  
  
….  
  
Kaworu grabs Shinji by the shirt collar and swings the convenience door open.  
  
“W-Wait Kaworu!” _DRSHHH _. Kaworu kicks over a spinning rack of chips. All the boys in the place watch them.  
  
“What are you doing?!” the employee says, “Get OUTTA HERE!” The employee starts to come from behind the counter and Kaworu kicks over another shelf.  
  
“Kaworu-kun _stop _,” Shinji whispers.  
  
“Hell yeah!” One boy yells from the back. He punches an alcohol bottle and it shatters against the floor. The gang of boys start to wreck the place. _SPLASH. CRACK. DOOSH _. Shinji watches in utter shock wringing his hands together. The employee holds his head shouting nonsense at everyone. Kaworu laughs and hits Shinji on the shoulder.  
  
“Come on Shinji, at least break one thing. This’ll be the only time you can!”  
  
“No way! It’s so wrong.” Kaworu leans in close to Shinji’s ear.  
  
“This is your one chance to act how you wanna act.” Shinji pulls away and scratches his neck. He watches the other boys tossing chips over the top of the employee who’s desperately trying to stop them.  
  
“Monkey-in-the-Middle!!!” The girls laugh. Shinji walks over to the magazine rack and scans it. _Not that. Not that. THERE _. He grabs one and shoves it in his back pocket rolled up.  
  
“L-let’s go!” Kaworu smiles and rushes out with Shinji. They sprint for three blocks before slowing down. _Ba-dump ba-dump _. Shinji rubs his neck.  
  
“Jeez. I never thought I’d do something like that.” _Not sure if that was a good thing _. Kaworu laughs freely. _His laugh is so funny. Hah. Hehe. Ha _. Shinji starts laughing too. And pretty soon they start howling like hyenas down the grey and blue colored streets.  
  
In Rei’s Apartment  
  
Rei is laying on her front with a pillow tucked under her arms. Her chin is resting on one forearm. _Nagisa-san. He acts like he knows me. He must be very informed. I do not know who however. Unless it was Commander Ikari. ….Where does Nagisa-san come from? Who is he… made of _? Rei grabs the phone laying by her waist without looking. She clicks on Shinji’s name. _Tap tap tap tap _.  
  
_ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR TESTS? _She checks the time. _1:09 PM. Perhaps he is not _.  
  
Rei stands up and undoes her sling. Her arm nearly spills out. She first moves her fingers. _Nrh. It feels as though my tendons are all being pulled in different directions _. She tries lifting her arm. _Gyh _. She can only lift it to collarbone height. She stretches it across her body. _POP _.  
  
“Gyiff,” she bites her lip. This may be a tough recovery. _BING _. She quickly checks her message.  
  
_HE'S WITH ME IF YOU WERE WONDERING _. A picture of Shinji walking ahead is attached. Rei’s lips tighten.  
  
_WHY DO YOU HAVE HIS PHONE? _An immediate response back.  
  
_HE TRUSTED ME WITH IT _. Rei’s brows furrow. _He did not trust me so easily _. Rei tries calling. _BR-ing. BR-ing. CLICK. He hung up _.  
  
_SHINJI WILL NOT BE PLEASED IF HE FINDS OUT YOU'RE MAKING HIM IGNORE ME _.  
  
….  
  
_I SUPPOSE SO _.  
  
_BR-ingggg. BR-ingggg _.  
  
“Rei,” Shinji says with a laugh, “Sorry I didn’t answer, Kaworu was holding onto my phone for a second.” She can hear Kaworu talking in the background.  
  
“I see,” she says timidly, “How were your tests?”  
  
“Good—Kaworu-kun!” Shinji starts laughing, “Hey lemme do that too!”  
  
“Shinji.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Do you want to come over tonight?”  
  
“Uhhh,” Shinji whispers something, “I’m actually going to Kaworu-kun’s place tonight. Maybe tomorrow; bye Rei.” _Click. Drrrrr _. Rei puts the phone down on the table. She sits at the table with her hand on her forehead. _Dammit _.  
  
Shinji and Kaworu spent hours out on the streets. Shinji felt the endorphins pumping through his blood the whole night. They went to multiple arcades and drank tons of soda (his favorite being pineapple). Kaworu throws his arm around Shinji’s shoulder lugging around a big blue stuffed bunny.  
  
“This was _awesome _Kaworu-kun!” Shinji nearly hops from excitement.  
  
“Well now you have _this _,” He shimmies the bunny, “to remember today.”  
  
“And you,” Shinji says with a smile. Kaworu rubs Shinji’s head.  
  
“I’m glad, Shinji-kun.” Shinji and Kaworu walk on with their elbows touching. “Alrighty, let’s head home!” Kaworu pulls him off to an alley. Three buildings later, Kaworu leads him up the steps to the second floor. All of the walls are a deep violet, and the floors are light grey tiles littered with cracks. Creeeak.  
  
“One bed?” Shinji scans the room. The entire place is filled up by his sheetless bed. _There’s not even a kitchen _. Shinji shuffles in and so does Kaworu. “ _Arh _, ummm, K-Kaworu-kun?” The room was so cramped that when he closed the door, Kaworu had to lean against Shinji’s back to take his shoes off. His chest was tightly against Shinji’s shoulders.  
  
“Hmm?” _He feels really warm _. Heat rises to Shinji’s ears. _Should I even be thinking stuff like that _?  
  
“Nevermind,” Shinji says quietly. Kaworu kicks his shoes against the wall and falls backward on the bed with his arms crossed behind his head. Shinji scratches the back of his neck. The blue bunny is sitting next to the foot of the bed. “I’m surprised you actually won that, you know.” Kaworu smiles.  
  
“I had to win it. For you.” Shinji looks down and sways side to side. “What’re you thinking?” Shinji pulls the magazine all rolled up and sweaty from his back pocket. He keeps it close to his chest. “What is that hmm?” Kaworu sits upright and crosses his legs. Shinji slowly hands the magazine to him looking away. _He looks cute with that blush _, Kaworu thinks. Kaworu takes the magazine. A girl in a beautiful wedding dress is on the cover. She’s standing on an arching cherry wood bridge overlooking a pond filled with koi fish. The girl isn’t looking at the camera. It almost feels like you’ve just happened to see her. As if, you weren’t supposed to be looking.  
  
“I saw that at another store a week or so ago a-and i-it, um, reminded me of Rei.” Kaworu’s smile dissipates.  
  
“You can love someone like her?” Shinji’s brow quirks.  
  
“She’s just Rei.” _‘Just Rei.’ Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump _. Kaworu puts his hand against his chest. _I’ve never felt this _.  
  
“You really love her.”  
  
“Of course. She’s…” Shinji smiles. _He looks so… happy _. Kaworu smiles too. _It’s nice to see a human look so happy _.  
  
Tell me about her.”  
  
“I… I dunno where to start,” Shinji says with a laugh. “I’ve never really talked about it to anyone.” Kaworu nods and pats the bed. Shinji sits down.  
  
“Tell me how she makes you feel.”  
  
Shinji scratches his head.  
  
“I guess it’s kind of embarrassing,” Shinji grins, “Well, it used to be hard. I think I always loved her. But… we have a hard time relating sometimes. Misato-san said that’s normal. And so did Kaji-san. He said women and men can never understand each other. I disagree.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah! I understand Rei.”  
  
“Do you?”  
  
“Y-yeah. Usually,” Shinji looks down at his lap, “I try at least. It can be hard. Sometimes we have a hard time saying what we mean. But… it’s worth it. She’s… she’s so special to me,” Kaworu’s eyes almost tear up. Shinji notices, “You o-ok?” Kaworu nods happily.  
  
“It touches me to hear you care about her. She and I are similar.”  
  
“Really?! How?!” Kaworu shrugs.  
  
“It’s complicated.” Shinji frowns.  
  
“How about you talk now, Kaworu-kun?”  
  
“Nah,” Kaworu lays on his side with his head in his hand, “Tonight’s about you.” Shinji lays on his back.  
  
“There’s nothing that special about me though.”  
  
“There sure is,” Kaworu answers,“ or else Rei would never have changed.”  
  
“You really think so?” Kaworu nods. Shinji looks at the magazine cover again.  
  
They talk for hours. The next time Shinji checks his phone, “WOAH, it’s 10:48 already?!” Kaworu pets Shinji’s head.  
  
“Mmm, you tired now?”  
  
“Not really, I was supposed to see Rei I think. I’ll just see her tomorrow.” _Ba-dump Ba-dump. Something in me is happy he’s choosing me over her. Really, all he’s done is talk about her. In such a short span of time, he’s convinced she and him will love each other forever. I’m jealous. I also… pity him. He has no idea what Rei will be. He has no idea what I could be. But I… don’t think it’s my place to judge them. Especially him. He’s… special _.  
  
“You should see her.”  
  
“No it’s ok, I’m glad to see you,” Shinji explains. Kaworu smiles wide but shakes his head no.  
  
“I have a feeling she misses you already. I know I would if you were my boyfriend.” Shinji sits up quick.  
  
“ _Boyfriend? _” He stutters. Kaworu shrugs.  
  
“It was just an example,” Shinji’s shoulders relax, “I love you though.” Shinji gets off the bed with a start.  
  
“H-how?”  
  
“I just do. You’re special. Ayanami thinks so too.” Shinji pulls at his pant leg. _Is it ok that he’s saying that? It seems… weird. I felt weird that he was being so nice but I stopped noticing after awhile. Maybe he’s lonely too _.  
  
“I… love you too, Kaworu-kun.” Kaworu’s heart beats rapidly in his chest. _This changes everything _, Kaworu thinks.  
  
“Go to Ayanami.” Shinji’s red face brightens up and he picks up the blue bunny while jamming his feet into his white tennis shoes. Kaworu opens the door with three fingers. Shinji smiles at him, almost teary-eyed before hugging him tightly. Kaworu is shocked, but he hugs back. The blue bunny is trapped between their thin chests. Shinji quickly pulls away.  
  
“See you tomorrow Kaworu-kun.” Shinji hops off. Kaworu’s eyes are still wide.  
  
“Bye… Shinji.”______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say, I enjoy writing this story so much. It was my first foray into fanfiction writing, and it's been great to see the growth over the last few months. HOWEVER< Archives is WAYYYY harder to manage and get what I want out of the words than it is on Fanfiction.net. I find that even when i code the words to be a certain way, it just DOESN'T work. If you'd like to seee the authentic work, please go check Fanfiction.net. I'm under the same name and the stories are titled the same thing. Thank you.


	7. You Are (NOT) Strong

  
11:01 PM  
  
_Knock knock _. Rei hadn’t been able to sleep, so she quickly got out of bed, leaving the lights off. _Creak _. The door swings open.  
  
“ _Shinji _,” Rei leans in for a hug before noticing the oversized bunny.  
  
“Rei,” Shinji says warmly before crushing her in a hug.  
  
“Gyh.”  
  
“S- _sorry _! I forgot the arm thing.” Rei shakes her head. Shinji hops inside with an intense level of energy. Rei quirks a brow and closes the door. He turns the light on making her eyes narrow. “Kaworu-kun is _awesome _Rei! He was so nice to me! He even took me to a bunch of arcades! We talked for a long time too.” Shinji sets the bunny on the counter, wiping any crumbs away beforehand. _He’s already calling him Kaworu-kun? They talked for hours _? Rei frowns at the floor and closes her body off. “What’s wrong?” Shinji kisses her on the nose.  
  
…..  
  
“Are you mad at me?” Shinji questions. Rei removes herself from him and grips the counter. She stares at the bunny.  
  
“Nagisa-san got you that?”  
  
“Oh,” Shinji leans his hip against the kitchen table, “He won it! So he said for me to keep it. It’ll be like a reminder of how fun tonight was.”  
  
….  
  
“We’ve never done that.”  
  
“Yeah we did, we um…. Rei the cat! Yeah she—“  
  
“—She found another cat with while you were in the hospital. She left.”  
  
“Oh… why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
“You went out with him instead of me.”  
  
“What’s wrong with that? He’s a good friend.”  
  
“Already?” Shinji shrugs.  
  
“Yeah he’s really nice you know. He listened to me and—“  
  
“—Do I not?”  
  
“ _Rei _, it’s not a competition.” Realization hits Shinji. _Jealousy. She might not even realize she feels it _. Shinji steps behind Rei and wraps his arms around her waist. _Words won’t be enough _. He reaches to his back pocket and pulls out the wrinkled magazine. He plops it onto the counter.  
  
….  
  
“What is this?”  
  
“A wedding magazine. It reminded me of you every time I saw it. So I uh, _got it _,” Shinji clears his throat. Rei’s frown softens and she spins around in his arms. Shinji reaches around her and opens to a page. “She’s… not um, as _beautiful _as you, but this dress would look so pretty on you.” Rei looks. _Lace _. She smiles. _He likes lace still _. Rei pushes the magazine out of his hands and kisses Shinji soft on the lips. Rei rubs the hair back from his eyes.  
  
“What else did you talk about?”  
  
“You.” His eyes and hers don’t part for a long stretch of time. Shinji leans in; Rei meets him halfway.  
  
….  
  
“Shinji,” Rei holds his collar tight, “You can talk to me too.”  
  
“I know. I will.”  
  
Rei closes her eyes and kisses him again. She bites down on his bottom lip almost too hard. _I missed this _, she thinks. Rei frantically starts to kiss him. She feels a nudge on her waist. She kisses harder.  
  
“ _Mm _-Re- _neh _,” Shinji peels his lips away. “What’s the rush?” Rei catches her breath.  
  
“You’re right.” Shinji takes Rei’s hand and he sits on the bed before moving her to sit between his legs. He hugs her from behind.  
  
“There was this one time,” Shinji starts, “When I lived with my teacher, heh. I got a pencil eraser stuck in my nose.” Rei blinks. “Yeah he had to like,” Shinji snips in the air, “—Use tweezers... It _stunk _. Literally.”  
  
“ _Tch _, hah,” Rei blurts, “I used to indulge occasionally in strawberry chapstick as a snack.”  
  
….  
  
“Me too,” Shinji laughs. Rei giggles with him. “It tastes _good _.”  
  
“It does,” she finishes. Rei fully leans against his chest and she lazily runs her fingers up and down his forearm. The hair stands on end. Shinji pecks her on the neck. “Nn.” Rei pushes against his chest with her back. He kisses her again and she tilts her head more. He sucks on the skin just under her jaw and pulls her waist impossibly closer. _Pop _. The spot turns red with specks of purple. Rei fumbles to take her shirt off.  
  
“H-hot,” he stutters. _No bra _. She’s facing away but he realizes she wasn’t wearing pants either. The only thing left is her underwear. Shinji eagerly reaches for her breasts running his thumb over them. Rei holds his hand against her breast before guiding it down between her legs.  
  
“Nrg, Rei you’re,” _soaked _. Shinji shivers and rubs her over the thin covering. Rei opens her legs more. Shinji presses down hard then soft between her legs. Blood pumps between Shinji’s legs until he feels it go numb. “ _Gyt _,” Shinji holds Rei tight around her stomach and grinds her from the back.  
  
“Shinji, I want to.” Shinji bites her neck grinding into her backside harder. Shinji’s breath gets slightly ragged. He feels the head of his penis nearly stick to the fabric of his tight boxers. Rei fights his movement to spin around, settling on his waist. Shinji reaches blindly for her pillow throwing it at the foot of her bed before roughly laying her on her back. “ _Ktt _.”  
  
“Did that hurt?” Shinji asks sincerely.  
  
“...I like it.” Shinji smiles to himself and his pants somehow grow even tighter. He gets on his knees and pulls Rei’s underwear off leaving a string of her arousal on her thigh. He throws the underwear away and quickly laps up that string as well as most of it between her legs. Rei’s chest heaves and she tugs at his hair. _Amazing. He is amazing. Suck. Pop. Suck. Slup. Slup. Pop _. Shinji bites her inner thigh and gets on his knees again. He stares at her eyes and she stares with hers half closed. Rei’s hips bob up and down. _Please. Please _. Shinji tries to undo his belt with his good hand but it gets caught. _Come on come on _. Rei jumps up and starts doing it for him.  
  
“I’d never guess _you’d _g-get this turned on.” _Clink clak bink. Ziiip _. Rei tugs his pants and underwear down and holds his penis tight. She looks up at him.  
  
“Is that a complaint?” Rei takes him in her mouth pumping his base.  
  
“ _Heck _no,” he moans holding the back of her head. She sucks hard making him buck into her mouth. He holds the wall for support. The sound of her spit and sucking rings in his ears. _BA-DUMP BA-DUMP _. She sucks more and more until Shinji finally cries, “REI I _NEED IT _!” She releases and falls to her back. Shinji shakes off the clothes and pops a shirt button as he frantically pulls. He pounces Rei and she immediately reaches for his penis, squeezing him inside.  
  
“Unghhh,” they both whine.  
  
Shinji lays completely on top of her, cautious of her one arm. She runs her nails over his back when be starts moving. Shinji feels the heat come and go as he goes in then out. The tightness of her is still present, and it makes him want it more and more the longer he pulls out. Shinji and Rei watch each other’s faces covered in a dusty pink. Shinji clenches his teeth when he jerks into Rei harder. Rei leans her head back when he hits a spot deep inside her. She tightens her legs around his thin waist holding him deep.  
  
“Ah- _mmrgh _,” she whimpers. _That’s where it is _! Shinji smirks and pounds into her without warning. “Ngh- _MMF _!” Shinji hits it again and again making Rei wrap her arms around his neck trying desperately to keep up with him. He doesn’t give her any breaks. _Hyuh. Mrhh. Nrgh. Fuuu. Unrgh _. His penis starts throbbing. The blood feels like it’s boiling and his skin is damp. He goes faster and faster until Rei can’t move fast enough. _Dk dk dk dk dk dk _. The bed creaks and groans. She bites his shoulder. “ _Neergh _,” she says muffled. Shinji gets up on his forearms and finally slows down.  
  
“I don’t want it to end yet.”  
  
9:04 AM  
  
Shinji wakes up to a _beep beep _. He looks around Rei’s room with squinted eyes and sees his phone screen light up his black pants pocket.  
  
“Mmr,” Shinji stiffens and gently pushes Rei off his arm, wrapping the sheets over her shoulders. He smiles at the back of her sleeping body and kisses her head. He spins on his heels and leans down to the pile of their clothes on the floor, only putting on his navy blue boxers and checking his messages.  
  
_'I imagine you’re with Rei right now. I’m glad you two have each other. Do you think you can meet me at _…'  
  
Shinji frowns. _Yeah, I know the spot. But I wonder why right now _?  
  
_'Are you ok Misato-san? I’ll be there soon _.'  
  
Shinji puts the rest of his clothes on, attempting to flatten out the wrinkles with his palm. Nervous ramblings wrack his brain. _Is she alright? Did something happen? Srgh, my stomach hurts _. He feels a chilling hand on the back of his neck.  
  
“You are leaving?”  
  
“Misato-san said to meet her at the Tokyo-3 overlook…” Shinji worriedly scratches his chin. He checks his phone again. No reply. “I’ll see you later ok?” He turns around and kisses Rei who’s crouching on the bed. Shinji walks toward the door.  
  
“Shinji,” Rei calmly calls, “I believe the end to all of this is coming.” Shinji stops moving and his back hunches.  
  
“...I was scared you’d say that.”  
  
Shinji leaves, closing the door and walking away from his problems for the ten minutes it takes to get to the overlook. The ten minutes are nice, but they don’t quite satiate his appetite for peace. Instead, all his mind thinks of is the hopelessness felt in the air of Tokyo-3. As he walks, he doesn’t even see one other person on the streets. Almost every store has a sign saying something like, “Closed,” or “Out of Town,” or “Will Possibly Return Soon.” The only life he sees are white birds. Their stark-black eyes pierce through him at every corner he takes. They are typically perched on top of the many telephone poles scattered through the city, but he has now seen them standing in the middle of the street since there are no cars to fear. They cover the sky in white when they fly.  
  
Shinji walks up the thirty beige concrete stairs slowly as if his knees suffer from arthritis. Every step makes his stomach sink further. _I know something is wrong _. The air became thinner the higher up the mountain he went, and now it’s just about unbearable. His chest heaves, aching the muscles in his chest. He reaches the top, and sees Misato’s car parked in the middle of the road. He rushes toward it, but she isn’t inside. His brow wrinkles, and he looks around. He starts to walk quickly up the mountain road.  
  
“Misato-san!”  
  
He starts to run. She was leaning against the silver railing with her arms crossed. Misato was looking at the city from a distance, something she once enjoyed. _But as time has gone on, I enjoy the sight of this city less and less _. She didn’t look his way until she felt his thin arms wrap around her back. He lets go quickly, awkwardly clearing his throat.  
  
“Hey Shinji,” she smiles, but her eyes don’t light up. Her eyes have a slight ring of blue under them, and some thin red veins are around the corners.  
  
“Misato-san…” Shinji’s voice is weak, but the concern on his face says everything.  
  
“Remember the night I took you home with me? We stopped here on the way.” Shinji nods. Misato turns away back toward the cityscape. “I just wanted to relive old memories. Ones that aren’t so… _painful _,” Misato laughs, but she doesn’t think it’s funny at all. She grips the flaking silver railing so tight her hands turn red. Her eyes get teary all over again. “Kaji is... _SNIFF _.” Shinji leans over the rail just slightly in order to look at Misato’s face. “...Dead now.”  
  
“Wh-what?” Shinji puts a hand through his short hair and tugs.  
  
“Too much snooping around,” she raspily says. “Same thing could happen to me.” Shinji’s eyes widen and a quiet whine vibrates the back of his throat. “I feel responsible in some way. I feel that way for _so. Many. Things _,” she sighs and straightens up her back. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” Misato aggravatingly wipes her eyes. “You kids have a lot on you already. I’m the adult, I should be strong not...ugh,” Misato covers her face with one hand, rubbing her temples.  
  
“Misato-san… you _are _strong.” Misato looks at him. Gone is the hesitation in his voice. Gone is the worry on his face. His hands are in small fists that twitch ever-so-slightly.  
  
“I’ve said this before Shinji, but you remind me of myself…” Misato fixes the loose hair hanging over his forehead, “That’s why I know you’re only pretending right now.” Misato sadly drops her hand. “It’s ok… I am too.” Shinji’s shoulders falter and his lips quivers. “I don’t think I can find the words to make us feel better anymore. I’m sorry.”  
  
Shinji looks at Misato and he sees the stress in her body, and the broken look of her eyes. _There's nothing really left here in Tokyo-3 when it comes to the people. There’s no one besides Me, Rei… and Misato-san _.  
  
“I refuse to think that way Misato-san.” Misato looks at him with a brow raised. “We… we are strong. You, Me, and Rei. We can get through it Misato-san! I know it--we can do it--we can survive!” Misato smiles at him genuinely.  
  
“I’m glad you’re still hopeful. Don’t let that die Shinji.”  
  
They hug.  
  
They hug, and they don’t count the minutes.  
  
9:36 AM  
  
“Shinji. Shinji. Shinji,” Kaworu whispers to himself. He’s sitting inside the cockpit of Unit 02. Something about this Eva makes my skin crawl. _It feels like it’s talking to me. Telling me Shinji this Shinji that. Perhaps that’s my own heart talking _. “Hah,” Kaworu huffs. His hands tighten on the control stick. “Today is the day….”  
  
Kaworu has a goal. One he did not make. This goal was made for him by a group of people. Soulless people who want nothing more than to start over. Start over… meaning all of time and humanity. Kaworu walked through the empty halls of Nerv with a melancholy smile on his lips. When he got to Unit 02, he got in with no hesitation. In fact, he literally floated into the pilot seat.  
  
Unit 02 took to him as planned. No test was needed, no synch practice either. He simply became the Eva. It was a bitter feeling the more he thought about it. _Shinji may hate me forever. He will not understand. The only thing that makes me feel at ease, is knowing he WILL understand with time _. Kaworu moves the Eva for the first time.  
  
BEEP BEEP BEEP  
  
_UNAUTHORIZED EVANGELION ACTIVITY! REPEAT! UNAUTHORIZED EVANGELION ACTIVITY _!  
  
The words echo throughout Nerv causing panicked voices to flow through every corner. Maya and Ritsuko (freed as of yesterday) are the first to the control bridge.  
  
“What is going on?” Ritsuko demands.  
  
“I-it’s an _ANGEL! _”  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________


	8. The Beast That Shouted "I"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like no matter what I do, the italics won't show up in certain palces. If you wanna see how this is truly intended to read, go to Fanfic.net. It's under the same username and story name there. Thank you.

  
_UNAUTHORIZED EVANGELION ACTIVITY! REPEAT! UNAUTHORIZED EVANGELION ACTIVITY _!  
  
The words echo throughout NERV causing panicked voices to flow through every corner. Maya and Ritsuko (freed as of yesterday) are the first to the control bridge.  
  
“What is going on?” Ritsuko demands.  
  
“I-it’s an _ANGEL! _”  
  
“Alert Major Katsuragi immediately,” Ritsuko calmly says. She pinches the inside sleeve of her lab coat and looks up toward Gendo and Fuyutsuki’s perch with thin lips. They are not there. Maya and the rest of NERV frantically scatter in different directions while Ritsuko stays planted with a sour taste on her tongue.  
  
_This is it. The beginning of the end _.  
  
Currently at the Tokyo-3 Overlook  
  
Misato and Shinji pull apart from the first genuine contact they’ve ever shared; a hug that encompassed all the loneliness they’ve ever felt while apart or together. Shinji swears this was the most intimate thing he had ever experienced with an adult.  
  
“Do you think we’re going to make it Misato-san?” Shinji looks toward his feet. Misato breathes in and looks off to the side.  
  
….  
  
“ _You _will make it,” she quietly says. It felt final to Shinji. _There’s nothing left to argue _, he thinks, scratching his neck.  
  
_BZZZ BZZZ _.  
  
Both Shinji and Misato look toward the car but make no attempt to move.  
  
“An Angel I’m sure,” she says, “I suspect it’s a person this time.” Misato thinks back to the weird half-answers she was given by Ritsuko and her superiors when she looked into the sudden appearance of Nagisa Kaworu, the fifth child. She walks toward the car with no urgency in her step. Shinji’s heart skips a beat.  
  
“L-Like Asuka?” Misato grabs grabs her phone thrown onto the driver’s side chair. An Angel alert. Another message pops up as well; _AS I THOUGHT. THE FIFTH CHILD IS THE FINAL ANGEL _.  
  
“No; Nagisa Kaworu.”  
  
Twenty Minutes Later  
  
“YOU _BETRAYED _ME!”  
  
_DSH DSH DSH BANG! SNAP! CRRRRRK _!  
  
“I’m sorry Shinji,” Kaworu floats mid air watching Unit 01 battle against an unmanned Unit 02. The two Units are waist deep in thick blood-orange sludge with scraps of failed prototype Evas all around them. Spines and skulls crunch under their heavy feet. Kaworu led them down the whole NERV facility right through the heart to find what all Angels seek; Lillith. “I _had _to do this. I was _born _to do this.”  
  
“WHAT ARE YOU _TALKING _ABOUT?!” Shinji’s shaking violently in his seat. _I’m being pulled in two directions! I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT ASUKA’S EVA _! Shinji kicks Unit 02 back a few feet away, but it immediately lunges for him again, this time pulling out its prog knife. The sea of orange is acting as resistance for both Evas. _Trying to move in this shit feels like I’m trying to run against a huge wave; I CAN BARELY DEFEND MYSELF _!  
  
“I am made from the same things Eva is made from. I am me, but I am also Eva,” Kaworu looks upward at another layer of NERV. On a small black platform, he sees Rei Ayanami, looking down at them. _She does not know. She has not yet found her true purpose _. He smiles at her; she doesn't smile back. “When I become one with Lillith,” Kaworu turns around and smiles at the large white mass with no face staked on a red cross, “All of consciousness will become one. No one will suffer any longer… And if there were one person who understood suffering, it would be _you _, Ikari Shinji.”  
  
_BSH! SCRRRRR DK _.  
  
_SPLASH _!  
  
Unit 02 falls, sinking into the orange with a knife in its forehead. Unit 01 stalks toward Kaworu slowly like an animal cockily approaching prey. _FWOOSH _! Like a flash, Unit 01 has Kaworu’s body in one hand. Only his head is visible. Kaworu smiles into its bloody eyes.  
  
“WHY?!”  
  
“Because I must.”  
  
“Why does the world have to become one?! Why does the world have to _suffer _in the _FIRST PLACE?! _”  
  
“ _Because _, Shinji. Because I love you.”  
  
….  
  
“No…”  
  
“ _Yes _. I love you so much, that I’m giving you the choice to decide my fate,” Kaworu pauses. Shinji’s mouth becomes dry and his throat burns from holding back tears. “If you let me live, I will make a world where no one experiences pain like you or Ayanami have experienced. If you _kill _me… you get to decide what will happen to this world.”  
  
….  
  
“How do I do that?” Shinji’s voice is emotionless. Kaworu looks up past Unit 01.  
  
“Through Ayanami.” Rei’s eyes widen, he can tell from where he is. She stumbles back a step and pure shock changes to melancholy understanding on her face. Kaworu smiles at her.  
  
“I… don’t understand,” Shinji mumbles.  
  
“You will. Soon,” Kaworu says softly, “Choose for me Shinji.”  
  
….  
  
Shinji stares at him.  
  
….  
  
Kaworu smiles back with love in his eyes.  
  
….  
  
Shinji feels it’s love like a parent loves a child.  
  
….  
  
….  
  
….  
  
….  
  
….  
  
Shinji feels highly intune with the Eva. He feels it breathe. He feels it’s muscles twitch. He feels it when the hand closes and smashes Kaworu’s body into a bag of bones and skin.  
  
_Dsh _.  
  
Kaworu's head falls into the water.  
  
….  
  
Shinji opens his palm, and so does the Eva. All that’s left are clothes and blood.  
  
….  
  
No tears come.  
  
An Hour Later  
  
Fuyutsuki and Gendo sit side by side in a black room on hard silver chairs surrounded by SEELE’s tall black slates they talk through from wherever they are.  
  
“NERV will be destroyed,” a snarky voice says, “You are useless to us now. So many chances and you have BETRAYED us in the end.” Gendo and Fuyutsuki slyly smirk at their hands that are resting in their laps. _Just as we imagined all along _, Fuyutsuki thinks, _you will not be in vain, Yui _.  
  
“We are coming for you _all _,” a deep voice says. The SEELE tablets go away with a loud screech and the two men are left alone in the dark room.  
  
“I’ve been waiting for this day for far too long,” Gendo says with relief.  
  
Outside of NERV Headquarters  
  
….  
  
Misato had waited for Shinji to come up from the pit of NERV, a place even she had not gone. He got out of Unit 01 without saying a word. Misato didn’t speak either, she instead took him outside, unmeaningly bringing him to the crater of an area where Rei had destroyed Asuka in Unit 03. They’ve been sitting in silence on a broken rock for quite awhile. The sky was dark red.  
  
….  
  
“He said he loved me. I loved him too I think,” Shinji brings his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on the bony cap. “He shouldn’t have died.”  
  
“Nagisa _had _to die.”  
  
“That’s cruel Misato-san…”  
  
“It’s survival.”  
  
….  
  
Shinji eyes Misato’s hand that’s by her side flat against the dirty rock. Her pinky slowly taps. Misato looks down at her feet.  
  
“He said that thing down there…” Shinji looks up then shakes his head, “I can’t remember the name, but he said… it’d end the world’s suffering.” Misato looks at him, confused. “I don’t get it either.” Misato’s eyes darken and she shuts them tight.  
  
“...Human Instrumentality.”  
  
“...What?”  
  
“The world is going to end,” Misato puts a hand to her head and breathes shakily. Shinji sits straight and worry creeps in. His brain and body can’t process what he’s being told anymore. His body can no longer function normally, and emotions become too mixed for him to express. His face drops and he limply sits with his legs crossed in a pretzel. “Kaji said this was what would happen. The Evas. I think they’re the key. They’re going to make a God. Our individuality will be gone. It’s like _restarting _the world.”  
  
“Why do this?” Shinji asks, “What does this get us?” Misato shrugs sadly and looks at him with a heavy head she can barely hold up any longer.  
  
“A life with no suffering.”  
  
Shinji’s eyes burn. No tears will come anymore.  
  
Misato’s eyes burn. No tears will come anymore.  
  
Rei’s body burns. No tears will come ever.  
  
Asuka’s nothing. Nothing will come anymore.  
  
Somewhere else; Instrumentality beings.  
  
Inside the Mind of Ikari Shinji  
  
_Suffering. All I DO is suffer.  
  
TO LIVE, IS TO SUFFER.  
  
Rei?  
  
A VERSION, YES.  
  
Rei! Where are you?! I need you right now!  
  
WE ARE ALREADY ONE. I AM ALREADY HERE.  
  
But I can’t… I can’t see! Where are you?!  
  
(I am here as well. We all are, Shinji).  
  
Misato-san?!  
  
(Yes).  
  
Y-You’re alive?! Misato-san I’m s-sorry! I’m so sorry! I should have done something Misato-san I should hav--  
  
(None of that matters now Shinji. We are all nothing here).  
  
...What do you mean?  
  
(The me inside your mind is one you believe in. You look up to me. Depend on me. Love me. Hate me. I am the me inside your mind right now).  
  
What does that mean? Are you not real?  
  
(WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?! OF COURSE WE’RE REAL!).  
  
Asuka too?  
  
WE ARE ALL HERE.  
  
Rei again. Are you the one I love? The one I need?  
  
YES.  
  
...Did you take the world away?  
  
YES. YOU AND I.  
  
We both did?!  
  
YES. THROUGH LILITH. THROUGH EVA. WE MADE A NEW WORLD.  
  
What about the old one?  
  
THERE ARE MANY POSSIBLE WORLDS. EVEN THIS ONE. THIS IS ONLY ONE.  
  
Does that mean we can go back?  
  
WE WILL SUFFER THERE.  
  
But… you said ‘to live is to suffer.’  
  
YES.  
  
Don’t we have to go back?  
  
WE DO NOT.  
  
Do you want to, Rei?  
  
….  
  
Rei?  
  
I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. WHERE YOU GO, I WILL FOLLOW. I AM ONE WITH YOU. IN BODY, IN MIND, IN SOUL.  
  
Rei…  
  
SHINJI…  
  
I want a world where we’re together. If that means we suffer… then let us suffer.  
  
ARE YOU CERTAIN?  
  
Yes. Aren’t you?  
  
YES.  
I finally understand Rei. I hate myself. But, I might be able to love myself. I might be allowed to stay here. Yes. I am nothing but I. I am I. I wish to be I. I wish to stay here as do I. I can stay here as do I! We can have a world where I am I and you are you!  
  
CONGRATULATIONS, SHINJI.  
  
Rei… let’s go back now.  
_____________________________________________________________


	9. Where Do We Go Now

  
_Blink. Blink. _  
  
Shinji and Rei lay side by side on a beach. The sun is setting, and the water almost looks opaque and red. It’s warm, but not as hot as the endless summer of Tokyo-3 that the two have grown up in. No sweat coats their backs, and a cool breeze blows their hair just slightly. The sand is fine, almost no garbage or chunks of rock can be felt or seen. They sit up with a start.  
  
“W-where are we?” Shinji looks at Rei expectantly. His memory is fuzzy, he can’t necessarily recall anything, even if he tries. _What’s my name? _  
  
“Shinji.”  
  
“Rei…?” They stare at each other blankly. _THump. Thump. THump. _Shinji grabs at his chest. _Rei… who? _Shinji looks down.  
“ _ARGH! _WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?!” Shinji slaps his thighs closed and tucks his knees to his chest. He looks at Rei and jerks back. “WHERE ARE _YOUR _CLOTHES?!” Rei doesn’t move to cover herself. She continues to stare at him.  
  
“What do you remember Shinji?” Shinji shakes his head, tensing his muscles. His brows are so tight his forehead starts to burn.  
  
“I... “ Shinji closes his eyes. _THINK! THINK DAMMIT. _He wrinkles his eyes.  
  
_BANG BANG! _  
  
Shinji jumps and gets low to the ground on his stomach. _Was that a gunshot?! _He looks around wildly, getting sand in his mouth. He looks at Rei who stares back at him. _Why the hell is she NOT freaking out?! _  
  
“Auditory hallucination. Soon you will see as well.” Shinji carefully picks himself up, crossing his legs to hide himself. _How does she know what I’m hearing? _“Because we are one.”  
  
“GYTT!” Shinji falls backward hard into the sand as if the bullet he heard just shot him in the chest. _PANT. PANT. _He holds his hand against his chest, gripping for dear life. All of a sudden, his eyes fog. His vision is completely clouded like putting a black sheet over your eyes and trying to look through. “W-WHAT’S _HAPPENING?! _” He feels a small cold hand rub under his jaw and he leans into it. Soothed almost completely, his vision comes back. A woman. A woman who looks like Rei, but with brown hair and a more adult body. She looks down at him with warm eyes.  
  
_Shhhhh. _The water hits the shore.  
  
“I love you,” she says, rubbing the side of his face softly. She looks at his face in near-awe.  
  
“Mom,” he says with misty eyes. She smiles and nods at him encouragingly.  
  
“Do you remember?” Shinji looks deeper into her eyes.  
  
“ _ARGHHHHH! ARGH! AAAAAAH! _” Shinji’s eyes nearly fly out of his head; he feels a blood vessel pop inside of one eye. The blood leaks into a tear duct. He covers his eyes with both palms before ripping them away to look again.  
  
_'Inside of Unit 01, Shinji is floating upward. Floating, meaning some unknown force is lifting him up into the sky with the Eva’s arms out at it’s sides, and he doesn’t know where he’s going or HOW he’s getting there. All he sees is blue skies, nine white Evas with disgusting pink smiles that are torn to shreds, and a giant Rei Ayanami. Giant meaning that size is now indescribable; she’s standing on the Earth, but she continues to get taller the higher he goes. Her hands are open like she’s holding the Eva in some sort of energy ball; she’s completely nude, the only thing she’s wearing is a huge smile on her face. Her teeth are showing even. Shinji’s eyes twitch and his body shudders. The nine white Evas begin to… moan? Shinji covers his ears. _  
  
_“I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore.” Rei starts to laugh deep in her throat and the moaning gets louder. “OH MY GOD! REI STOPPPP!” Shinji screams and screams until his spit covers his chin. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” _  
  
_SCRRRRRRRRRRRRREACH! Shinji crumples into a ball in his seat, covering his head with his knees. He vomits yellow-brownish water onto his feet. SCRRRRREACH!!! Shinji refuses to look up at the noise. He heaves. _  
  
_“Shinji,” a soft male voice beckons. Shinji’s head jerks up. Vomit trickles down his chin and he wipes it away with his forearm. _  
  
_“KAWORU! KAWORU HELP!” _  
  
_“I am,” he says. His body comes out of Rei’s midsection as she leans back with her arms outstretched. Shinji doesn’t notice. _  
  
_“Kaworu what’s happening?!” _  
  
_“Whatever you wish. We can make anything come true. Tell me what world you wish to live in.” _  
  
_“Anything I want?” While they talk, clouds around them clear, and they now break through the Earth’s atmosphere directly into the blackness of space. “I… I don’t know what I want.” _  
  
_“Tell me anything,” Kaworu says, but Rei’s voice is underneath his. _  
  
_“I want a world with you,” Shinji clenches his hand, “With Rei,” Shinji’s heart thumps, “Asuka,” he thinks of frustration, “M-Misato-san,” Shinji thinks of a Mother, “I just want everyone I love to be there.” _  
  
_“Do you think that will make you truly happy?” Kaworu looks into Shinji, as if looking through him. Shinji loses his breath. _  
  
_“I don’t know yet… but… I want to find out myself.” Kaworu truly smiles, and his eyes brighten. “Good luck, Shinji.” Kaworu starts to fall backward as if in slow motion, closing his eyes. _  
  
_“C-come back!” Shinji whines. “I don’t wanna be alone!” Shinji falls back into his seat roughly with a cough. Rei, with her chest puffed out, comes back up, jerking into position to look at him. Shinji doesn’t feel scared anymore. He begins to accept what is happening. Red crosses of light cover the Earth. ‘They’re becoming one like Misato-san said, I think.’ _  
  
_“I will take you to a new world now,” Rei quietly says. It’s the most emotion that’s ever been in her voice. She’s become enlightened in a way only she, Shinji, and Kaworu could be. Shinji has yet to accept it fully as of now. Rei and Kaworu understand their purpose fully and have found a meaning for themselves as beings. They have a sense of belonging and understanding of self that very few people will ever discover. _  
  
_“Ok…” Rei’s head leans back. The Evas continue to make various pseudo-sexual noises that Shinji’s blocked out. “Rei… can you hold me?” Rei looks at him from the corner of her eyes and smiles wider. She closes her eyes and suddenly, a smaller nude version of herself appears right on his sweat and vomit coated lap. They pay no attention to it. He hugs her tight in his arms and she holds him back even tighter. He clenches his teeth and buries his face between her small breasts. “I’m not scared anymore.” _  
  
_“I know.” _  
  
_“Let’s go now Rei.” _  
  
_“Alright,” she whispers. Suddenly Shinji’s clothes are off, and Rei melts into his waist. Shinji’s body feels calm, it’s nearly sexual. His breath becomes short. Images flash in his mind. Rei being under him as he wildly forces himself in her. She pants and moans, scratching at his back. Shinji twitches, and they finish at the same time.' _  
  
Shinji can see again. He’s back on the beach. The water is clear blue and the sun is high in the sky. Women, children, and men splash wildly in the waves.  
  
“Kensuke! Come ‘er! Check these girls out!” Shinji’s eyes widen. _TOUJI?! Him and everyone from class left Tokyo-3 a few weeks ago! Wait… this isn’t… this isn’t Tokyo-3. _The girls in small bikinis turn around and flip Touji off. Kensuke shakes his head from the comfort of his navy beach towel and rainbow umbrella.  
  
“Tool…” he mumbles, amused. Shinji is standing now, he’s wearing black swim trunks and a white tank top. He pulls at the hem. _Is this real? Am I really here? _He bends down and cautiously runs a finger over the sand. _I can touch it. _Shinji’s bare feet dig into the hot sand, flexing his toes.  
  
“Baka!” Shinji looks behind him but he’s too late.  
  
_BONK! _  
  
“FF- _argh! _” Shinji’s face scrunches up when a large red beach ball slams into it, bouncing right back in the direction it came from. Asuka sprints toward him in a red and orange one-piece. “W-WOAH!” Shinji nearly jumps out the way.  
  
“You idiot! Catch the damn _balllllll!” _Asuka scoops the ball up and chucks it toward him. His fist knocks it back toward her and she huffs, tucking it under her arm. “What’s your _problem? _You’re looking at me like I’m an alien or something!” Shinji shakes his head and swallows. He nervously laughs. _Not too far off. _  
  
“I… I just missed you I guess,” he says quietly. A sting in his chest alarms him. _Last time I saw you, you were in the hospital bed next to me. The last time I HEARD you… _Shinji shivers, _Maya was crying for you. She said you were killed. _Asuka looks at him with disgust.  
  
“Weirdo…” Asuka stomps off. “Touji! Come here!”  
  
“AHHH! Stay away!” Touji sprints into the water and Asuka storms after him with a dangerous laugh, winding the ball up in her arm. Shinji’s stance falters. _What’s… going on? Do they know… anything that’s happened to them? My phone! _Shinji checks his pockets. _Thank God. _Shinji checks the date. ‘MAY 11 2016.’  
  
“Huh,” he looks up his location. ‘Tokyo-3.’ “So… this is the same day?”  
  
“What’re you on your phone for?” Shinji spins around on his heels and drops his phone from his hands with wide eyes.  
  
“Misato-san!” Shinji doesn’t think, he just slams his body into hers hugging her as tightly as he can. She staggers back, but holds him as well.  
  
“J-Jeez kiddo,” she pets his hair, “I thought you were all upset with me cuz of yesterday.”  
  
“What happened yesterday?” Shinji doesn’t let go still.  
  
“What do you mean what happened? You were having a fit for at least three hours after.”  
  
“Oh,” Shinji still doesn’t let go. _I don’t care what happened. I guess I should though. _“Guess I forgot about it.” Misato looks down at him strangely and Shinji nervously backs up, picking his phone up from the sand. He idly picks at the rubber on the burgundy phone case.  
  
“Are you ok?” Misato leans down a bit so their eyes are on the same level. Shinji embarrassedly looks down. She’s wearing a red bikini top and mid-length jean shorts. She even has a beer in her hand.  
  
“I’m sick.” Misato cocks a brow.  
  
“Sure… _love _sick maybe,” she smirks at him. That gets his attention. “What were you two arguing about last night anyway? You were being such a grouch afterward.”  
  
“I… nothing I guess.” Misato laughs.  
  
“Sounds about right,” she remarks, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She lifts the beer to her mouth and gulps. “ _YEEE _-AH!” Shinji smiles to himself and shakes his head. _Some things never change. _“You should ask her to come out here; Asuka needs a girl to hang out with.” Misato and Shinji looks out at the water to see Asuka whipping the ball as hard as she can at Touji and Kensuke. They desperately try to swim away.  
  
“I will…” _I hope she remembers everything too. _Misato pats his shoulder.  
  
“Be a good boy; don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”  
  
“Which iiiis?” Misato walks backward and takes a sip, shrugging before turning back around. Tons of teenage boys stare at her as she walks past their chairs and towels. Shinji’s heart thumps and a grin plays on his face. _I haven’t joked in too long. _He reaches for his phone and searches through the numbers. Rei. Her name has a heart next to it.  
  
He clicks on her name and a picture of them pops up. They’re wearing school uniforms. Her dress is just like the one she always wore, but instead of a pale blue, it’s a deep red similar to her eyes. As for Shinji, he looks about the same, except his undershirt is the same color as her’s. They’re sitting really close and the angle is high; looks like I took this picture of us myself. And… that looks like the Tokyo-3 overlook. Shinji breathes in hard as his finger hovers over the call button. _What if she’s not the same girl? _Worry sets on his brow. _I don’t wanna have lost her. _A brick feels like it’s caught in the pit of his neck. _Please be you, Rei. _  
  
_Brrr-iing. Brrr-iing. Brrr-iing. _  
  
Shinji rubs his forehead skittishly.  
  
_Brrr-iing. Brrr-iing. Brrr-iing. CLICK. _  
  
“Hey,” she says. Shinji opens his mouth and nothing comes out. “Shinji?”  
  
“R-Rei?”  
  
“Yes?” Shinji rubs his head again. _Do I just ask? She… sounds the same, I think. _  
  
“Um, do you um…” Shinji stutters, “Is it still you?” A second goes by with no response. “Hello?”  
  
“It is.”  
  
….  
  
“Really?” Shinji’s voice is exasperated. He feels himself sniff and he wraps an arm around himself.  
  
“Yes. I told you Shinji… we are one.”  
  
“Y-Yeah. Yeah we are,” Shinji sniffs again. A smile lights up his face. “Ugh, Rei,” Shinji leans his head back, “Can you come here?”  
  
“I’m coming. I will see you shortly.” Rei’s voice got quieter as if she was hanging up.  
  
“W-WAIT!” Shinji startles a little girl playing with a shovel a foot away from him. He bows his head. He whispers into the phone and walks toward the sidewalk a bit behind him, “I love you… ugh I love you so much. I’m so glad I’m not alone. I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”  
  
“You were never truly alone.”  
  
Twenty Minutes Later  
  
Shinji had been tapping his foot and walking up and down the small street crammed with excited people. _I’ve never seen so many people in one place. Geez I wonder if the rest of Tokyo-3 will be this busy now. _Shinji steps on gum with his bare feet. He picks up his foot.  
  
“Disgusting… come on,” Shinji gags and wipes his foot on a nearby rock. _Gross gross gross. _Arms wrap around his midsection and he jumps in his skin.  
  
“It’s me,” a familiar voice says. Shinji forgets about the gum and turns quickly on his heel. He looks at Rei. _She looks the same. They all have so far. _They forget where they are. People pass by hollering and laughing obnoxiously and they don’t notice. Shinji and Rei touch each other's faces with lips slightly parted. He looks at her face and touches each curve, she does the same. Nothing seems different at all. He looks at Rei’s body. She’s wearing a red bra or bikini top under a thin white t-shirt with loose navy shorts and white flip flops. He hums.  
  
“You like it?”  
  
“Yeah…” Shinji smiles. His eyes are glued to her breasts.  
  
“You like those too?”  
  
“Yeah—ER, NO! Nooo I wasn’t uh… staring heh.” Shinji scratches his neck. Rei huffs a laugh and wraps her arms around his neck, putting her forehead against his. A group of little girls behind them giggle while eating ice cream and stare at the two from a wood bench. Shinji holds her waist tightly in his hands. They breathe at the same time and their lips graze each other. A woman behind them tsks and shakes her head. For once, Shinji doesn’t care about what others think. _This is our moment. We worked hard to get this. Whatever… THIS is. _  
  
“Do they remember?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“But… how are they the same person then?”  
  
“In some ways, they are not. This is your chance to start over. This is a life you wanted.”  
  
“Who are we here?”  
  
“We are who we think we are.” Shinji sighs softly. _I guess the only way to get through this, is to live through it. I don’t want this to be like before. Before, all I did was live my life passively. I don’t want that to happen here. _  
Their breath tickles each other’s lips. Rei shuts her eyes, and he watches her eyes slightly twitch under tight lids. Rei’s fingers thread through his short hair. All the noise that filed their ears is gone, and it’s just them and their beating hearts.  
  
“...I love you,” she says first. Ba-dump.  
  
“I love you more.”  
  
“Not likely. You have changed my life in more ways than one.” She smiles at him in a way only she could. _Ba-dump. _  
  
“You’ve done more for me than I can even say. Yer… _argh, _I just… you’re so…” Shinji shakes his head. He watches her mouth curve slightly upward again. “Will you smile more here?”  
  
“I believe I will.”  
  
“Good. You look… beautiful.”  
  
“As do you.” They both grin. Shinji pulls Rei in by the waist and finally kisses her. It’s chaste, more of a peck than anything else. The kiss says so much. Shinji’s shoulders relax.All the fear and doubt ease off his mind for once. I don’t feel the weight of the world on me anymore… and it’s amazing.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE CHAPTER LEFT. I can't believe how far this story went. At first, it was just gonna be a short thing--mostly to fulfill my own little brain. Now however, it's really become something else. I had never written fan fiction before, and now I'm here....


	10. This Is the End

  
Three Days Later: 3:21 PM  
  
“OUTTA THE WAY!”  
  
“H-Hang _onnn _Asuka!” Shinji winces at the death grip wrapped around his thin wrist. Asuka is pulling him through the after school hallways, running as fast as possible knocking other middle-schoolers into her and him along the way. “S-sorry!” He stumbles over someone’s foot and drops to the floor.  
  
 _DF! _Asuka lets him go with a loud huff.  
  
“How weak _are _you?!” she yells with a stomp.  
  
“Heh, heh,” comes from a Touji leaning against a light blue wall with his foot sticking out and hiding his head behind a school folder filled with his D average grades. Asuka grabs the folder violently and tosses it behind herself hitting another girl on the head. “HEY!”  
  
“You tripped him!” Shinji groans and gets up with one hand. “Only _I _get to mess with him you know!” Asuka hums and sticks her nose upward. Touji sputters in annoyance.  
  
“Yeah right!” He puffs his chest out and steps closer to Asuka. “Boys will be boys they say!” Asuka takes a step up too and they’re nearly nose to nose.  
  
“What kind of lame excuse is that?!” A throat clears behind the three and the other students stagger out of the way.  
  
“Now now,” Misato interjects with a hand on her hip, “No reason to get dramatic.”  
  
“OHHH man…” Touji gawks at Misato in her tight red button up and black skirt. Asuka huffs and crosses her arms.  
  
“Go home now, see you two tonight!” Misato flips her hair and elegantly stalks away with young boys staring at her behind.  
  
“Have I ever told you guys how jealous I am you live with that babe?!” Asuka and Shinji roll their eyes and answer with a tired--  
  
“--Many times.” Touji snickers to himself and puffs out his chest again.  
  
“Next time,” he waves a finger at Asuka, “We’ll have a fight! Man to man!” Asuka grabs Shinji’s wrist again and pulls him along with her toward the school exit.  
  
“Sounds _great _,” she mocks, “Only problem is I _ain’t _a man am I?!” Touji huffs under his breath.  
  
“May as well be with how little action you get…” Asuka whips toward him and Shinji looks at Touji pitifully.  
  
“Ahhh… _nothin’ _nothin’!”  
  
“Ah-huh… Let’s get outta here Shinji. We’re gonna be late already!” Asuka starts charging forward dragging Shinji with her.  
  
“Ughhh! Always with the running!” _SLAM! _Asuka startles three kids next to them as they fly through the large glass doors and past the golden front gates of school. Misato watches them run from her classroom window and grins. _Must be off to see Rei already. _  
  
“Staring at your pseudo-children?” Misato glares at a crack in the window and turns around.  
  
“Hi Ritsuko! Glad to see you’re having a _great _day too!” Ritsuko smiles at the ground. _Sarcasm, _Misato thinks, _it’s what we do best. _Ritsuko sits on Misato’s shabby dark brown desk pushed up against the front corner of the twenty-five student classroom with legs crossed. She’s wearing a cream dress that goes just past her knees with sleeves that stop at her deltoids. Her five-inch heels are a gloss black. Misato leans against the cool silver window-sill.  
  
“Only two weeks of school left and your class will have graduated.”  
  
“I know…” Misato puts a finger to her chin, “Now I’m trying to decide which boy I’ll hit on once they’re of age!” Ritsuko rolls her eyes.  
  
“Not something you say to the _principal _of a school you work for.” Misato winks at Ritsuko.  
  
“Not like I’m getting any men my age! Let’s be honest.”  
  
“You’re disgraceful.” Misato giggles.  
  
“I’m kidding of course.”  
  
“I know,” Ritsuko’s lip turns up at the corner. “Really though,” Ritsuko grows serious, “Kaji hasn’t come around again?” Misato shrugs with a sad look in her eye and she walks toward the thick door, heels clacking, shutting it. Two boys had their heads peeking in with dirty grins on their faces before running away the second she approached.  
  
“I… I think I messed up,” Misato mumbles, rubbing the back of her head.  
  
“Oh no,” Ritsuko drops her head a bit, “Let me guess… you slept with him _again _and then he took off like last time.” Misato nervously shakes her head. “Misato.”  
  
“Yeahhh I know… I’m just _lonely _I suppose.”  
  
“Tell me about it,” Ritsuko pulls out her phone and unlocks it. She turns the screen to face Misato, “I just added a new cat to the family.” Misato _awws _and holds her heart.  
  
“Is this number three?” Ritsuko nods. “You should have them over to my place! Shinji and Rei’s cat love company!”  
  
“Are you kidding? And let them choke on a beer top or some other garbage flooding your house?” Misato throws her hands up.  
  
“HEY! Shinji cleans once or twice a week!” Ritsuko laughs slightly to herself.  
  
“That isn’t nearly enough when it comes to you.” Misato shrugs again but smiles, sitting next to Ritsuko on her desk. They both look down at their feet.  
  
….  
  
“I am gonna miss having them as my students though,” Misato quietly says, “All of my students have been a joy the last two years I’ve had them.” Misato laces her fingers together. “Shinji’s really grown. Rei too. Even _Asuka _… in _some _ways,” she laughs softly. Ritsuko pats her shoulder twice.  
  
“I’m sure they’ll stick around while they go to high school.”  
  
“Ehh, I don’t know. Asuka’s just here on her Visa, so she’s got to get into a really good school for German-whoever-the-hell to let her stay. Rei’s incredibly smart. I’m sure she’ll be going to a private school. Poor Shinji,” Misato rubs her thigh, “He’s gonna be so sad if he loses them both.”  
  
“His grades were good this year though.” Misato looks at her with a sureee face.  
  
“Only in my classes.”  
  
“Well, they did go up. Besides, he and Rei don’t seem to be worried.” Misato tilts her head.  
  
“That _is _true…”  
  
“They’ll be fine. Worry about yourself a bit more hmm?” Misato narrows her eyes.  
  
“Those three are like my children. And none of them really have parents!”  
  
“You didn’t either Misato.”  
  
“You _either! _”  
  
“I know,” Ritsuko lowers her voice, “And we turned out ok.”  
  
….  
  
They both start laughing.  
  
Fifteen Minutes Later  
  
 _Pant Pant Pant Pant. _Shinji bends at the waist putting his hands on his hips. _God that was tiring. _Asuka looks around the busy first floor of the closest mall to school.  
  
“She’s usually outta work by now,” Asuka says loudly over tons of other echoing voices. Shinji sucks in a breath and gets a little closer to Asuka. _Seeing all these people is still… weird. _  
  
“HE WAS TOTALLY CHECKING YOU OUT!!!”  
  
“Argh,” Shinji covers up his ear and inches away, knocking into a man. “Sorry sir!”  
  
"Shinji stop messing around,” Asuka pulls him next to her hy his sleeve. “Where was Rei last time you met her here?”  
  
“Uh,” Shinji looks toward a bench next to a dark bookstore that no one goes into. “She got off work as soon as we got out last time so she was there,” Shinji points to the bench and Asuka quickly walks to it.  
  
The two plop down at opposite ends of the three seater with their heavy backpacks in their laps looking in opposite directions.  
  
….  
  
Asuka taps the bench idly.  
  
….  
  
Shinji sniffs.  
  
….  
  
“So… do you know what you’re doing for school next year?”  
  
“What’s it matter to you?” Shinji shrugs and looks away again. _Same Asuka. _Asuka’s jaw slackens, “I took one entrance exam, got in.” Shinji excitedly nods at her.  
  
“O-oh! That’s great!” Asuka glares at him.  
  
“It’s not close by at all. But maybe you’d _wanna _see me leave the den. Maybe you’d have Rei take my spot then huh?” Shinji shakes his head.  
  
“No! Rei has her own place,” _not that I’ve seen it yet, _“That’s your room only.” Asuka doesn’t respond but she looks slightly flattered. _That’s a first. _“Do you wanna go to that school?” Asuka shrugs, looking at the pink neon colored record store window across the way.  
  
“Not really.” Shinji hums, unsure of what to say after that. _Rei where are you? _Shinji and Asuka fidget with their hands. _In the few days I’ve been here, it seems like Asuka and I still aren’t on the same page, even if I DID make this world… somehow. Maybe I like the banter more than I thought I had. _  
  
“Do you have lots of family back home, Asuka?”  
  
“Nope,” Asuka sniffs, “I got a fake Mom.”  
  
….  
  
“She’s whatever,” Asuka jerks a hand up then drops it onto her lap. Shinji doesn’t pry. Shinji and Asuka watch a little girl and boy with their parents holding balloons. The four are holding hands and weaving in and out of the crowd with smiles from ear to ear. Asuka huffs and bitterly looks at her clean white slip-ons. “Never got any of that.” Shinji assumes she means the family.  
  
“Me either.” Asuka doesn’t say anything but she looks at him from the corner of her eye.  
  
….  
  
She huffs and pats him roughly on the shoulder. She doesn’t say anything. Shinji smiles to himself.  
  
“Hello.”  
  
Asuka and Shinji stand up immediately.  
  
“Rei!”  
  
“Hey,” Asuka says nonchalant. She unzips her bag and tosses Rei a pale pink folder with loose papers that have tattered edges. “Here’s the homework that you probably get done in ten seconds,” Asuka rolls her eyes, “Takes Shinji here like forty.”  
  
“No,” Shinji pouts slightly. Rei opens it and nods.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“Uh-huh,” Asuka looks away when Rei and Shinji hug briefly. “You guys wanna get mochi?” Asuka’s already turning toward the direction of the escalator. Shinji looks at Rei. She nods. “You guys keep doin’ that… it’s creepin’ us all out.” Asuka starts walking with a shiver on her neck.  
  
“Do what?”  
  
“That weird… not talking but knowing thing! Duh.” They step onto the escalator with Asuka two steps away from Shinji. “And don’t look up my skirt, baka!” Some girls around them look back at him.  
  
“ _ASUKA! _I wouldn’t…” he says frazzled. Rei rubs his lower back with one hand.  
  
“We can’t help that we are so alike,” Rei comments.  
  
“It’s freakin’ weird… and probably unnatural. I would never want my boyfriend to be like me.” Shinji giggles under his breath.  
  
“Me either…” he jokes, Rei smiles with him.  
  
“SAY THAT LOUDER HUH?!” Shinji shakes his head and people in the escalator over jump. Asuka stomps off toward the mochi counter. Shinji holds Rei’s cold hand and waits for Asuka to order.  
  
“How was work?” Because Rei lived alone at such a young age, the school allowed her to hold a part-time job for four hours of the day. Typically, schools, even high-schools would not allow this in Japan. _It’s some science thing… I don’t really even know, _Shinji thinks.  
  
“It was alright. I am just an assistant for now.”  
  
“Y-yeah… you’re only fifteen I mean… makes sense.” Rei nods in agreement. Asuka bumps Shinji on the shoulder with her wrist. She was carrying two trays of a dozen assorted mochi.  
  
“Let’s find a spot in this freakin’ place,” Asuka pops her head out the store window. _Don’t these people have anything else to do?! There’s like a hundred-something people in this mall. _  
  
“Wait you didn’t have to buy ours we would--”  
  
“--Yes yes well I did. Stop complaining!” Asuka makes a happy noise and briskly walks to an empty three seater bench overlooking the first floor of the mall. They all sit and Asuka hands the two a tray. Shinji eyes her suspiciously. Rei takes a red bean between two fingers and takes a small bite quietly.  
  
“Hang on… you’re gonna eat _all _of those?” Asuka swallows one whole and Shinji stares, horrified. “How the--those are really big!”  
  
“Heh. That’s what she said.” Shinji rolls his eyes and Rei continues to munch. “And YES. Yes I am… are you trying to say I’m fat?”  
  
“Well no.”  
  
“Whaddya mean _well?!” _Shinji cocks his jaw.  
  
“...I bet you can’t finish them all.” Asuka smirks at him.  
  
“You wanna race then?” Shinji smirks back.  
  
“Three,’ Shinji starts, popping one out of the package.  
  
“Two!” Asuka pops one out too getting it next to her lips.  
  
“One--HURP!” Shinji and Asuka swallow one hole frantically popping them out and shoving it into their mouths. Rei’s eyes narrow slightly as powder falls all over her lap. Shinji and Asuka rip the mochi out it’s slots and Asuka finishes first, jumping out of her seat and throwing the tray up in the air. She stomps one foot on the floor and laughs obnoxiously pointing down at Shinji. DOOF!  
  
“Ow,” Shinji rubs his head and picks the tray up that just fell on him. Rei takes a single napkin and begins wiping powder off of Shinji’s face and chest.  
  
“Try me AGAIN baka!” Shinji mumbles to himself and wipes off Rei’s lap with his hand. Asuka sits back down with a thump and hums to herself. The three look down at the bottom floor in silence for a few moments. Shinji smiles. Really smiles. Rei looks at him from profile with a smile of her own. Even Asuka smiles a bit (even if it’s out of the high she got from winning). Shinji’s gaze falls to Rei’s knee and he allows his hand to drift on top of it. Rei places her smaller hand on top of his, bending her fingers around to touch his palm. They look at it for a while, thinking about all they’ve been through. They make eye-contact.  
  
 _‘I like it here I think.’ _Rei nods at him.  
  
‘As do I.’  
  
Shinji’s heart flutters and he wraps an arm around Rei’s shoulders, kissing her forehead.  
  
“Gross,” Asuka looks away. “Oh God, _more _gross.” Asuka folds her arms.  
  
“Eyyyy!” Touji shouts as always. Kensuke's following behind, cleaning his glasses with his school shirt. Touji sticks his tongue out at Asuka then throws an arm around Shinji, breaking him apart from Rei. Touji sits himself right between them, making Rei give up and stand against the railing. Kensuke leans next to her with a sorry expression.  
  
“Do you have to _always _make Rei move?” Shinji asks, peeved. Touji skips over it, reaching into his pocket.  
  
“Man I had ta be close ta tell ya about thissss!” Shinji cringes at the heat coming from Touji’s mouth against his ear. Touji laughs to himself and checks to see that Asuka isn’t listening, her back being completely turned away. In the small space between them, Touji shows Shinji… a small gum stick pack. Shinji looks at him, unimpressed. “Nah dude listen, I did it to Kensuke and he pee--”  
  
“--No I didn”t!”  
  
“He did,” Touji whispered with a laugh. All ya gotta do is get that demon to take a piece out.” Shinji rolls his eyes and grabs the gum.  
  
“Whatever Touji,” Shinji turns toward her, “Asuka. Do you want gum?”  
  
“HEHEHEH!” Touji and Kensuke run away and hide (obviously) behind a store sign with a woman in green lingerie. Asuka turns around and cocks a brow.  
  
“I guess.” Asuka grabs a pi--  
  
ZAP!  
  
“DAMMIT!” Asuka picks up the gum packet that Shinji and her dropped and shoves it down the neck of Shinji’s shirt.  
  
“W-WAIT! I didn’t know!” Rei watches with amusement and clears the path for Asuka to sprint after a panicking Touji and Kensuke. Shinji shakes his shirt out and the gum falls to the floor. “YOU’RE BOTH GONNA DIE HERE!” People watch in their wake as they tumble over each other down the escalator and all three run out of the mall. Shinji bends over to pick up the packet and inspects it. _It can’t be THAT bad. _  
  
 _ZAP! _  
  
“C-CRAP!” Shinji shakes his hand and tosses the pack into the garbage with a relieved shiver.  
  
“It’s strange to be involved in such antics.”  
  
“It is, yeah.” Rei takes his hand and they start walking toward the now-calm escalator. “I haven’t actually gotten to see your apartment yet.”  
  
“Let’s go now.”  
  
“Awesome,” Shinji says looking over the rail. He sees a jewelry store and a wedding dress shop next to each other. _Reminds me of that magazine from a while back. Crazy story getting that thing. _Shinji’s eyes sadden. _Kaworu isn’t in this world. _  
  
“He chose not to be.” Rei and Shinji step off the escalator and she leads him by the hand. The humidity outside hits them then turns to a chill. It was only seventy-three out, unlike the typical ninety-something they had before.  
  
“Why wouldn’t he…” He said he… he said he _loved _me though! Wouldn’t he WANT to be here with me? Shinji bites the side of his tongue and watches the cars drive by.  
  
“He said he did what he had to do. He believes you don’t need him any longer.”  
  
“I guess…” Rei shakes his hand, slight agitation in her lips.  
  
“I am still here.” Shinji stops his pouting and grips her hand tighter.  
  
“Yeah I know. Trust me, I’d pick you over him if I had to but… something about him really resonated with me.”  
  
“I understand,” Rei says with finality. _She… looks kinda angry. _Shinji stumbles over his feet a bit and shoves a hand in his pocket. _Guess I would be too if she was always talking about someone else. _  
  
 _‘Shinji. Let me go.’ _  
  
Shinji stops walking. Jerking Rei back a step. He looks behind him and shivers.  
  
“Move it!” a boy says, nearly running into his back.  
  
“S-sorry.” Shinji moves to the side letting go of Rei’s hand and looking around. “Rei do you hear something?” Rei shakes her head no.  
  
 _‘It’s me.’ _  
  
“K-Kaworu?!” Rei’s lips flatten out and she turns away slightly. Shinji looks around more.  
  
 _‘I’m not there. I never will be. But I will always be one with you. In mind. In body. In soul.’ _  
  
Shinji smiles firmly, sadness still fresh in the back of his mind. He closes his eyes.  
  
 _‘THANK YOU.’ _  
  
He imagines he can see Kaworu smiling at him. And his eyes open again. The noise he was canceling out blares.  
  
 _BEEEEP! HEY COME HERE! Ziiiip. Beeeep. WowLookAtYou! _  
  
Shinji quietly nudges Rei who looks at him with no emotion on her face.  
  
“He--”  
  
“--I wish to not know.” Rei starts walking again and Shinji walks just a step behind her, following her for a few short minutes before turning the corner to a new surprise. Shinji looks up.  
  
“What the heck? This complex is huge.” Misato’s is twenty high, but this one, a light brown brick with tons of wide windows, is at least sixty. Every window has a different life behind it. He notices one is almost completely covered in Hello Kitty decals while another is closed shut with dark back curtains. Rei says nothing and opens the big front glass door.  
  
“Hello Ayanami-chan!” A happy woman behind the front desk waves at Rei like she’s the cutest girl in the world. Rei replies flatly with a,  
  
“Hello,” and Shinji snickers under his breath. Rei reaches with one hand to her backpack and attempts to unzip a small pocket.  
  
“Here I can help,” before Shinji can reach, Rei throws the backpack over her shoulder making a loud thump on the floor.  
  
“Don’t bother.” Shinji’s heart drops and his arms slump a little.  
  
“A-Ayanami-chan! Why’re you being so mean to your boyfriend?! He looks too cute!” Shinji pinkens and Rei huffs slightly, quickly grabbing the keycard for the elevator.  
  
 _DING. _  
  
Rei steps in and Shinji hesitantly follows. The doors close and Rei clicks the number twenty-one.  
  
….  
  
“S-Sorry….” Shinji whispers.  
  
“I know.” Shinji can’t see her face. He steps forward a bit and bites his tongue again. Rei’s eyes are slightly misty.  
  
“What...what’s wrong?”  
  
“I have realized my emotions here are stronger. No one is holding them back any longer,” Rei rubs underneath one eyelid with a thumb, “I believe I’m also PMSing.”  
  
“You’re what?” he asks, completely oblivious to anything girl-related. Rei looks away then back.  
  
“I can get my period now.” Shinji shivers then rubs his head.  
  
“So… babies.” Rei watches his face. Shinji’s eyebrows are knitted up.  
  
 _Ding. _  
  
Rei and Shinji walk out and right next to the elevator, Rei opens a clean white door with a clear handle, waving for Shinji to walk in first.  
  
“Woah,” Shinji steps in, carefully taking his shoes off and laying his bag down on the sandy wood before stepping onto clean white carpeting. The room is large for what it is; it’s a studio apartment with gorgeous crown molding a wide window with blinds opened. He nearly sprints toward the window and hits his nose against the glass. He looks down toward the busy streets and looks up to see the horizon made of a setting sun and powerlines with large mountains toward stretching on forever. No other buildings block the view. Rei turns the porcelain sink on and washes her hands. Shinji gets next to her, washing his as well while still taking in the room.  
  
“Not much furniture yet huh?” Rei wipes her hands off, handing him the red towel.  
  
“I thought you’d like to decorate with me.” Shinji nods happily.  
  
“Yeah! We can do what we did that one time and go to an antique store.” Rei takes her socks off and starts to undo the dress straps crossed like an x on her upper back. Shinji watches and covers the front of his pants with two hands interlaced. _It’s… it’s definitely been a while. _Shinji tries to shake the thoughts from his head as she hikes the dress over her head and onto the floor, undoing her shirt buttons now. “Jeez,” he comments, moving toward her and picking up her clothes, “First thing we gotta get is a hamper.”  
  
“Let’s take a shower.” Rei hands him her shirt, leaving her in a red bra and underwear. _LACE! Ugh. _Shinji tries not to stare, failing miserably.  
  
“Y-yeah. B-but I don’t--um. I don’t have clothes to sleep in and uh, Mis-sato-san said ‘see you later.’” Rei undoes her bra staring into his eyes that are glued to her skin.  
  
“Call Misato-san,” Rei hands him her bra, “I found extra clothes of yours in the bottom drawer of the dresser over there,” she turns her nose next to her cleanly made bed pressed against the wall next to the window that takes up a quarter of the room, “I’ll meet you in the shower,” Rei finishes, handing him her underwear. Shinji gawks at Rei’s forwardness and watches her walk casually into the bathroom. Blink. Blink.  
  
“I’m… _too _lucky sometimes.” Shinji comes out of his stupor quickly and makes a pile of her clothes next to a small laundry machine in it’s own little closet next to the front door. He pats himself down, no phone. He nearly falls to his knees in front of his bag, tugging it open and digging through quickly. Excitement starts building up in his stomach and he gets jittery all over. The shower hissing starts. _Beep Beep. Beep. _He throws the phone against his ear and neck and runs to the dresser. _SKRR. _It rings and rings. _Come on come on. _Shinji grabs a pair of underwear and a loose t-shirt with Godzilla on it. He chuckles to himself.  
  
“Yes Shinji?” He can hear car noises in the background. _Must be on her way home. _  
  
“Uh, hi Misato-san. Rei and I are at her place so, um--”  
  
“--Oooooh!” Misato giggles. Shinji shakes his head and stands up. His eyes roam to the bedside table. A red box stands out to him and he walks over. “Don’t get _too naughty _now.” Shinji picks up the box, unlubricated condoms. Shinji flushes and scratches his head, dropping the box innocently.  
  
“We--we don’t um--”  
  
“--Uh-huh,” Misato teases, “Anyway, I guess I won’t be seeing you tonight?”  
  
“Probably not,” Shinji inches toward the bathroom door.  
  
“Alright, you be safe; use protection!” Shinji mumbles disapproving things and gets ready to hang up. “Shinji, sorry to keep you but I just was talking to Ritsuko and…” Shinji senses the seriousness in her voice and focuses on Misato. “I know this sounds lame, _I know, _but… you’re like a _son _to me you know?” Shinji’s eyes widen a bit and his back straightens up. “It’s only been a year or so, and Ritsuko thinks it’s ridiculous but, all of you kids… I-I really love you three you know?” Shinji’s mouth dries. No adult’s ever said that to me. Shinji smiles at the clothes he’s holding and his eyes wetten.  
  
“It’s not ridiculous Misato-san. We do too… I um. I love you too, Misato-san.” He hears Misato gasp or sigh. Either way, he feels that it was a good noise.  
  
“I’ll see you soon Shinji,” Misato says, quietly, happily.  
  
"Bye, Misato-san.”  
  
Click.  
  
Shinji tosses his phone back into his bag behind him, a permanent smile on his face. _Argh, _Shinji rubs his cheeks with his forearm, _I’ve never smiled so much in my entire life. I didn’t think it’d hurt so much. _Shinji’s heart aches. _It’s finally a good ache though. _  
  
Not wanting to delay it any further, he opens the door and looks straight to see Rei with eyes closed, rubbing suds out of her hair, body dripping. Shinji shuts the door making Rei look up and he smiles at her while resting his clean clothes on the small vanity. He chucks his shirt off, undoing his pants and pulling his boxers and pants off at once all under the gaze of Rei. He hops in quickly, hugging her to him, swallowing soap from her hair but not caring even a single bit.  
  
“You’re not embarrassed anymore.”  
  
“Nope. Why would I be… it’s you, the most important person in the world.” Rei shyly looks down, instantly noticing just how excited Shinji is.  
  
“It seems bigger,” she comments. Shinji looks down and turns completely pink, spitting out water and ignoring her. He grabs some liquid soap and squirts it out, rubbing it all over himself. Rei continues to clean herself as well.  
  
….  
  
Rei looks down at it again biting the inside of her lip. She quickly pushes the hair back from her eyes and checks to see if he’s looking. He isn’t. She drops to her knees and puts it in her mouth.  
  
“NYGH!” Shinji nearly slips, grabbing the subway tiled wall for support. “A-ah, _Rei, _that’s…  
”  
‘So good,’ they both think.  
  
She sucks the tip hard, almost too hard, making him groan, but she makes up for it by taking almost all of him into her mouth. Her tongue swirls a bit, licking the taste off of him. Shinji leans his back against the cold wall, muscles tightening, and his head jerks back and forth. She sucks harder and harder, making Shinji’s penis pulsate in her mouth. His hips twitch. Water pours hot down Rei’s head and Shinji’s stomach. He tries to reach over her to turn it off.  
  
“Ccff,” Rei jerks backward and Shinji freezes. She looks up at him then looks away, pink dusting her ears. He can’t tell if it was the hot water.  
  
“D-did I just choke you?” Shinji was suddenly mortified, lifting Rei up by her forearms and shutting the water off. With a confused look on her face, she asks,  
  
“Don’t boys like that though?” Shinji’s mouth becomes agape. _Where the hell did she learn that crap?! Freakin’ Touji…. _  
  
“Uh—I guess some. I… I don’t really think about that,” Rei makes a hmm and folds her hand together in front of her. Shinji rubs the side of her neck, “It’s… I don’t wanna hear you c-choke it’s too violent for me.” Rei clears her throat.  
  
“Alright. Only accidentally then.” Shinji grabs a towel and wraps it around her, rubbing her hair for her.  
  
“Ok,” he agrees, patting her dry. Rei allows this and then takes her turn to wipe him off. When she gets to his waist, she slightly presses harder. “Nn…” Shinji rubs his fingertips together and slightly bounces on his heels before quickly hopping out the shower and throwing his loose shirt and blue plaid boxers on. Rei drops the towel and walks out with nothing on. Shinji doesn’t question it, instead he speed-walks to the bed, flopping onto it on his back. Rei pulls the curtains closed, the red sun lighting her silhouette in an orange-red and she finally kneels onto the bed, sitting on one leg.  
  
“Shinji,” Rei looks down at him with a glint in her eye he’s never quite noticed before, it reminds him of the short time he looked into his mother’s eyes. His Mother’s love meant far less to him. This love meant everything. It was the basis of his whole world, literally. “I… I don’t know what to say at a time like this.”  
  
“Yeah,” Shinji says softly with his head pressed against a lavender scented quilt. His eyes have the same look as hers. Absolute, life-encompassing love. Shinji and Rei alike have never felt so overwhelmed by happiness in the years they’ve lived. In those years, they had convinced themselves that love, happiness, and most pleasant things were unachievable, but through a storm of negative occurrences, they found each other. “All I can think of saying… is that nothing we went through was a waste.”  
  
“...It was all meant to be.”  
  
….  
  
Shinji sits up, he and Rei not breaking their gaze, and he scoots closer, until their mouths are just a sliver away from touching.  
  
“I love you Rei. I could never say it enough.”  
  
“I love you Shinji. And to you, I will forever be grateful.”  
  
They close their eyes at the same moment, and their lips meet, locking together. It’s the slowest kiss they’ve ever had. Rei and Shinji reach for each other seconds later; Rei reaches for his arms and he reaches for her boney waist. She nips his bottom lip, and he spreads his lips slightly, letting her tongue touch the tip of his.  
  
“Nrgh,” he whines, holding her waist tighter and moving her between his legs onto her knees. He tips his head back a bit since she’s high her up, and she pushes her tongue further in, sucking the tip before she gets out completely. “Ugh,” Shinji shifts his hips, now with a huge bulge trying to break the button on his boxes. Rei kisses him a little faster, and he starts to feel up her thighs, leaving goosebumps. His hands wrap around her hips to her backside and he slightly grips it, earning an unexpected growl of sorts. Shinji opens one eye and watches her brows tense then relax, tense then relax. He runs his hands up the small bumps and dips of her spine, pulling her chest to be against his, finally feeling her soft bust again.  
  
“ _Ff-m _m,” Rei’s lips part and she looks at him with lashes heavy. Shinji feels himself get about ten degrees hotter and he spreads her legs over his thighs and flips her onto her back, pressing his erection against her lower stomach accidentally.  
  
“S-sorry I couldn’t wait.” Rei shakes her head at him.  
  
 _‘Neither could I,’ _she thinks. Shinji gets on his forearms, tip still touching Rei’s skin, and looks down at her breasts, taking one in his mouth.  
  
“Hhh,” Rei breathes, putting a hand in his hair. _Suckkk. POP. _“Leave many.” Shinji smuggly does so all over one before doing it to the other. Rei’s stomach flexes, rubbing the tip.  
  
“Ngh,” Shinji looks at Rei pleadingly, who does the same movement again, and Shinji exhales loudly with a nipple in his mouth. He grips the sheets tight, letting himself move slightly against the skin of her stomach more. “W-why does that feel so good?” He asks slightly embarrassed by how far it’s getting him. He looks down between them and sees that some of his precum is smearing on her. “C-crap.” Shinji moves off her and onto his knees in order to wipe it off but Rei grabs his hand.  
  
“Leave it.” Rei sits up, taking his penis in her hand and rubbing all the precum off onto her stomach while keeping eye contact.  
  
“Oh my God,” Shinji says breathlessly. “You being d-dominant is… the _best thing _ever.” Rei’s cheeks are flushed from arousal and Shinji’s are too. Rei starts moving her hand up and down his erection making it somehow harder. “Unghgh,” Shinji firmly grabs Rei’s arms and pulls her lips against his, clacking their teeth. They start kissing wildly. “ _Nnf. _”  
  
“Mmm,” Rei’s moans are muffled by his tongue sucking on hers. The harder they kiss the faster her hand moves on him. Shinji’s hips jerk up really hard and he suddenly grabs her wrist pulling it away.  
 _Pant. Pant. I can’t finish like this. _  
  
“Rei,” he say with determination, “lay back.” She does so without question, pressing her head into the feather pillow and spreading her legs wide, feet flat on the bed. Shinji looks down between her legs and groans loudly rubbing hai forehead. _Oh my God she’s so so so so so so freakin’ wet. _Shinji takes a breath, feeling his pulse up in his throat, and dips down, immediately licking the length of it.  
  
“Nnm,” she bites back a moan.  
  
“No,” he reprimands, “Fuck holding back,” he boldly declares, “I wanna hear _every single _noise.” Rei nods in obedience, getting even wetter. Chills cover her whole body. He licks again.  
  
“Nnh!” Rei’s breasts rise up then down. Shinji licks again and again. “Please. _Mm, _suck.” Shinji wants to dance he’s so happy right now. He nods eagerly and sucks soft then as hard as he can. “ _Ungh! _Dammit.” _Swearing?! Well, kind of swearing. Still hot… that’s for sure. _He sucks again, and her hips rise off the bed. He sucks more, holding her waist down with one hand. The clicking noise of his tongue over her need fills their ears. “M-more. _More _please.”  
  
“Mhm!” Shinji licks faster, and every few beats he sucks on her clitoris until he boldly moves his tongue downward and gets the tip of his tongue slightly inside of Rei.  
  
“FFF-mh! _Shinji. _Shinji…” his heart starts thumping so loud that he even thinks Rei can hear it. Rei’s thighs get tight around his ears and her hips jerk up, hitting his nose. He doesn’t stop he just keeps doing a pattern. “NFF!” She pulls his hair hard and her legs tighten even more, “ _UNGH! Dammit. _DAMMIT.” He looks up and swears he half-came just watching her head rock back and her tight jaw clench as she moaned for only him to hear. After about twenty seconds of riding ber high, her muscles loosen and she motions for him to come up next to her. He does so quickly, falling to his side and wrapping an arm around her ribs.  
  
“That was amazing,” Shinji says in awe, her pale skin is nearly all pink. He kisses her jaw and drops his head to her shoulder. “Was it good? Do you want more?”  
  
“Yes,” she answers quickly, running fingers over his arm. He starts to get up, his weight making the bed dip. Rei reaches blindly for the box of condoms.  
  
“Right,” he says, pulling one out and ripping it open desperately. Rei tosses the box back and spreads herself again, quietly watching him slip it on. Shinji gets between her legs, and looking at the condom, he freezes.  
  
“What is wrong?” Shinji stops himself from going in and pulls Rei up to a seated position, kissing her soft on the lips (even when the heavy erection is telling him not to wait one more second).  
  
“You can get pregnant now…” Rei nods with confusion on her brow, “D-do you think you’d want to?”  
  
“Now?”  
“N-no! L-like when we _actually _can.”  
  
“...Now?” Shinji looks at Rei and blinks.  
  
“Rei we’re _fifteen. _I meant like… when we’re married and stuff.”  
  
“Mmm,” Rei simply replies. Shinji self-consciously laughs.  
  
“So… that isn’t a yes or a no.”  
  
“The answer is yes,” she kisses him again and pulls away quickly. Shinji bounces slightly with a big grin playing his lips.  
  
“I… can’t wait,” he says, leaning her back again, watching her face relax even more. He pecks her neck and gets back with his palms flat to the bed and his knees digging into the mattress between her legs. “Y-you ready?” Rei nods, looking at him through her lashes, and reaches down for him, wetting the tip. “Nngh,” _she’s so warm just outside. _She shoves it inside herself.  
  
“Gyt, slow for a minute.” Shinji puts his forehead against hers and stays mostly still.  
  
“I will,” he kisses her soft lips with a closed mouth and moves bit by bit. God she’s tight all over again. She drags her blunt nails across his back and moves her hips to the slow pace he’s setting. He starts getting deeper, and a whine starts at the back of her throat before bubbling out the moment he hits that spot deep inside her and against her g-spot.  
  
“ _NNN-m _m!” Her breath gets caught in her throat and Shinji starts to move achingly slow. Her breath catches everytime he moves in just a bit harder and hits her stomach.  
  
 _‘Faster Shinji.’ _  
  
 _‘Anything you want.’ _  
  
He starts going modestly quicker, feeling her warmth and tightness wrap around him and the condom with a death grip. She holds his back harder, moving her waist faster, daring him to speed up. Shinji gets down on his elbows and hits as deep as he can.  
  
“UNGH,” Rei’s eyes widen and Shinji wants to pull away but she clutches him harder.  
  
 _‘Keep doing that.’ _Shinji does it again earning another delicious moan.  
  
“Shit,” Shinji starts doing it over and over faster and faster. “Rei. Rei!” Her insides start to construct him to the point he can’t move, but he pounds through it anyway.  
  
 _CR. CR. CR. CR. _  
  
The bedframe hits the wall especially hard making them both wince when a neighbor shouts from next door. Rei takes the pillow from behind her head, cramming it into the space between the wall and the headboard. Shinji moves again and no noise.  
  
“Nice,” Rei nods back with her mouth wide open and heavy lidded. She wraps her hand around Shinji’s neck and pulls his forehead to hers again. Shinji gos somehow faster. _DK DK DO DO DO DK. SQUEAK. _  
The two starts panting so hard they can barely breathe. Shinji feels his insides start to melt. Starting at the base, he feels a hot liquid make it’s way up his shaft and painfully stop at the tip of his head. Rei feels herself constrict and her body starts to writhe in pleasure violently. Shinji hugs her, keeping her down.  
  
“Oh GOD Rei I—“  
  
“—Y- _mmmf _—yes.” Shinji pounds her until her eyes nearly roll into her head and he lets go of the painful liquid.  
  
“NGH! _UMGH! _” Shinji shoves his face into the crook of Rei’s neck and settles his weight on top of her and she throbs inside and his condom fills up with semen.  
  
….  
  
He pulls out weakly, arms shaking, and shuffles off the bed. He stands over the small trash can attempting not to make a mess with the plastic he’s tearing off. _Sqqk. Gross noise, _he thinks, tossing it away and using a tissue to wipe off what’s left on him. Rei beckons him to come over again.  
  
“I… think I need another shower,” he says skittishly.  
  
“Why? We can do it again.” Shinji laughs and jumps under the covers with Rei.  
  
“Sounds good then, _really _good,” he kisses her head and rests his own head on the pillow. Rei turns onto her side and watches him.  
  
“I remember the first time you came to my room; you asked me if I thought about death, or if I think about living.” Shinji nods in recollection. “I did not care either way if I lived or died. Now that is not the case; I have finally found myself and realized I have a reason for living, but there is also a reason for death.” Rei pets the side of his neck. “Not only is the reason you, but it is also for myself.” Rei looks to the side and her eyes weaken. Gone is the Rei with no emotion, and in is the Rei who can finally be a normal girl. Shinji feels fuzzy inside. He squirms under her hand, and he itches to touch her too.  
  
“I’m glad you feel that way,” Shinji wraps his arm around her back, tucking his other beneath his head. “I’ve come to feel the same I think. Heh, took us a while didn’t it?” Rei smiles slightly.  
  
“It did.”  
  
They bask in their arousal and genuine love for each other for minutes on end until Shinji talks once more.  
  
“Rei,” she opens her eyes, “I’m glad it was you that ended everything. Even if it was… really horrifying,” A.K.A a giant version of her, “There wasn’t any other way. I’m glad you did it.”  
  
“It was you. Not me. You sacrificed yourself for everyone, didn’t you realize that?” Shinji seems shocked, and thinks to himself for a while.  
  
“I guess,” Shinji looks at her again, stronger now, “I love you, Rei. Thank you for changing my life.”  
  
“I love you as well, Shinji. Thanks for making all of ours the best that it could be.”  
  
END.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is simply no other piece of media I've ever cared about as much as Evangelion. I discovered it late, having just saw it during my winter break of my first year of college. It's true art; art that makes you think, feel, laugh, cry, and most importantly, you can't stop thinking about it. I'm nineteen right now (as of June 2019) and I've been reading fan fiction since I was a lonely thirteen year old who had just moved from Chicago to a lovely (sarcasm) Western suburb. I escaped through it at night when I could lay in my safe shark-sheet covered bed where no one could come in on me. I was in my own world, and now after watching Evangelion, it encouraged me to pursue this. This was my first fic ever, and it was quite an experience. I even have fics already written to post next (which aren't Eva related). My thing is art. Drawing, to be more specific. So using describing words could sometimes be hard for me, but doing this has truly helped me flex my writing muscles. I say thank you to Evangelion for many reasons. Now I can thank YOU, my reader. I appreciate the time you spent reading this more than you may imagine. Good luck to you, and do what makes you happy, even if it's just for one second of happiness.


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